New Monaco

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“New Monaco is the bestest thing I ever tasted. Now where's the water fountain?”

~ André Breton while tasting New Monaco.

“That's disguisting!”

~ Captain Obvious while actually drinking New Monaco without a brain.
Introducing. NEW MONACO!

New Monaco (also known as Monaco 3.1) is the newest version of Monaco. Distributed by the Wikia Bottling Company. This version of Monaco is better than Old Monaco and as such, everyone likes it by default. Wikia has stated that since everybody loves new Monaco, that they've discontinued the old version of Monaco. Everyone rejoiced over the discontinuation of Old Monaco as since everyone knows that new stuff pwns old stuff by a number of 3:2. It's a known fact that everybody loves New Monaco, There are people who don't love New Monaco but that's just a myth. Everybody who doesn't love New Monaco is sentenced to give Satan baths and be forced to experience hell unlike any other. It's the truth. NEW MONACO SUCKS NEW MONACO ROCKS!

History[edit | edit source]

Use it. Now.

Okay so here how it went down. Wikia Bottling Company had almost 10,300,000 "users" and over $1,300,000.99 in "budget". One day, they decided that they need more money. (case in point, just $1 extra dollar) So they spent mere days on thinking what they should introduce. When one person, Mr. Sr. Jimbo Wales III Jr. (who was only 3 months old at the time) submited what appeared to be shit on paper and they loved every bit of it. On June 6th, 2008. Wikia announced that Old Monaco would be replaced with New Monaco which sent fury of joy everywhere. Even in Japan. Wikia also announced that every wiki will have New Monaco set by default as they figured that every person would love New Monaco. A thread was started up dedicated to New Monaco and everybody liked it, everybody. Nobody didn't like it, everybody liked it. And that is how the story of New Monaco was created.

Features[edit | edit source]

“Mirror Please?”

~ A Wiki on on how good he looks because of New Monaco

New Monaco is vastly superior to Old Monaco. Because it has additional features which everybody likes, which is documented in the following list.

  • Content being pushed up - Everybody likes content, and that's why it's being moved up, so it can block off stupid stuff like the background strip and other content. What's good, there's moar artificially added conent then evar through complex guides which anyone cannot figure out except the Wikia Cabal
  • Smaller logo - Everybody loves the fact that smaller equals better, that = true and that's why every image is being replaced by Wiki.png, for it to be extra c00l and uber-1337. For those who already created Wiki.png for Monobook. Screw them, It'll look good in our version because you must listen to what we say because we are the Wikia Cabal. If you don't obey us, we will hunt you down and kill you limb from limb.
  • Background strip being cut off - Who needs to see Background Strip, who needs to see the hard work of those who did it when it can be cut off by content. Everybody loves content more then background strips including your mom who I had sex with quite nicely thank you very much. Case in point, "content > background strip" and even jesus can't argue with that.
  • Looks absolutely georgus - Old Monaco is truly horrendous, it was like we tried to bring Frankenstein alive and we succeeded. This new look looks absolutely georgus, we designed it in mind with Tyra Banks helping out with the design. She's famous you know so don't act like she's not famous k? You can absolutely see the design in the right. Look how georgous it looks, you can clearly see that's A+++ design from Wikia.
  • Moar Advertising - Everybody wants to see ads for free ipods. And everybody does want to see ads for Outback Steakhose, that's why we're placing 100% genuine Google ads for free*. Everywhere on the page. Get rid of the ads, pay $199.99 for Wikia Plus which lets you get rid of the ads plus many many more.

*it's not free you idiot

Criticism[edit | edit source]

A riot on New Monaco. If they ever existed.


~ A very hateful person on if they ever existed

Criticism, what you talking about? There's no criticism you idiot. Criticism is a lie invented by Satan so he can control us. There is and there has been no criticism for New Monaco. Evar! If there was criticism, then it would not exist cause it's a lie. You see these people hating New Monaco. In secret, they're loving it and they're sharing it with their friend too. If there was a guy who hated New Monaco then they would be in hell listening to the worst music ever. If you hated New Monaco, then you would be listening to Kevin Federline Playing with Fire or Ayumi Hamasaki trying to be Guilty, a true nightmare. There was an isolated incident, you see those people booing in the baseball stadium for ads for New Monaco. They weren't booing, they were cheering. Booing is appalling something, cheering is bring something on, there's a difference. We didn't kill your old family member, you killed him for not liking New Monaco. If there was any criticism, then this product would face major backlash. But since we are Wikia, we say there is no criticism, and there isn't any!

Reception[edit | edit source]

New Monaco is bottled in feelthy, disgusting ratón-infested sweatshops south of the border. Por favór, please don't tell the investors ¡Sí!

New Monaco has been extremely well received everywhere in the world. Ebert & Ropert give it 2 thumbs up saying "This is the best tasting soda I have ever tasted, ever." Even though it had nothing to do with movies, it was apparently well received due to the fact that these 2 guys reviews are pure and the c00lest guys evar. Mantiwhore said it "Was the greatest thing evar made, I love the advertisements. Very nice and very whorey". There were other reviews but they were too good and too many compared to New Monaco. Case in point, New Monaco is the best thing ever because every review is good. The taste has also been excellent, because it's made from Wikia and anything from Wikia is automaticly good. It has been rated 100/100 or 5/5 or 10/10 by every media source that has ever existed, due to the fact that there is no freaking criticism whatsoever. If there was criticism the product would suck but since there isn't the product is good automaticly. No questions asked!

See Also[edit | edit source]