9th Edition

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?

Saturday, 24 Serpeniver 2011

The Illogicopedian Times is the literary equivalent of a cockatoo on stilts balanced on the tiny seat of small bicycle peddled by two budgies hopping up and down on opposite pedals while a Macaw steers with his beak. That is to say: a humourous premise with each task assigned to well-intentioned participants who are not suited to the job, resulting in a disastrous outcome... partially funny, partially tragic.

A Sage Warning By The Bard Last week I was again confronted with the unpleasant reminder that everything I hold dear is just temporary. Even as I write this now, far important things are happening elsewhere, or should be happening and aren't because I'm writing this article. So, my advice to you is this: Stop reading this now. Take a 24 hour break from the Intertubes. Start by kicking Uncle Pete square in the nuts and moving out from his place permanently. Then, turn off your computer and do something infinitely more useful, like going outside and counting the blades of grass. Enjoy a really good jack (or jill) like Seppy does. Bake a pie (make sure to wash your hands well first). Learn an instrument. Write song. Send it to your local radio station or club DJ. Apply for jobs you never think you'd get. Call a friend. Forgive your family. Play with your pet. Spend time with the living, while they're alive. This message has been brought to you by the number 96, the colour pink, and the letter F. Newest ?blog Entry Too Long? By Dan the Hedgehog Some people have been recently having troubles displaying the main page on their viewscreen computer monitor. This is because of the newest IllogiBlog entry, which is so long, so wide, that it doesn't fit on the screens of people with smaller screens. Solution? Use Main Page/alternative instead. Problem solved. Recently Brewed is better than the IllogiBlog anyway.

10 Things Hypocritical, Morally Ambiguous, Social Conservative Radio Talk Show Hosts Do To Mess Up Their Lives By Dr. Laura Schlessinger I know I've been a practising Jew for many years but I recently found Jesus. He was between the cushions of my sofa, next to some loose change and a melted Milk Dud. And he's helped me to see the light. It was on the End Table the whole time. Can you believe that? I never thought to look there. Too obvious. Too pedestrian. Jesus isn't what most people think. For one thing, he isn't the white guy that you see in those inspirational portraits where he's smiling eerily at the children or fondling livestock. And he doesn't speak English. Still, his meaning was clear. Actually, no, it wasn't. But I held my Googlephone next to his mouth as he talked to me, and the words it translated are below: Come on people now. Smile on your brother. Everybody get together, try to love one another right now. Good words. I'd like to set them to music someday. My Considered Opinion By Stephen Ambrose There's a voice that keeps on calling me. Down the road, that's where I'll always be. Every stop I make, I make a new friend. Can't stay for long, just turn around and I'm gone again. Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down, Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on.

Have you seen Mary Moon? She's a vegetarian. She don't eat meat but she sure like the bone.

Write for The Illogicopedian! Submit a story!

LOST: Something. Can't say; too embarrassing. Just tell me what you've found and I'll tell you if you're right.