Interesting facts about Toasters
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“As everybody knows, all toasters toast toast.”
“That is a common misconception. Toasters actually toast bread.”
“I resent the implication that I'm a one-dimensional, bread-obsessed electrical appliance.”
Toasters are more interesting than you think. In fact, there is a whole scientific field dedicated to studying the cause and effect (yadda yadda) of the toaster.
That's all well and good, but it ain't interestin'.[edit | edit source]
It has been found through rigorous testing - by throwing them off cliffs, into rivers and electrocuting elephants - that the following are all true of the humble toaster:
- They are used to create life by insane mad scientists. They hook them up to the fridge and create... bread penguins!
- Can be used to exterminate Daleks. It's thought they hate burnt crumbs.
- In Norway, every other Tuesday is the day of the toaster. People gather and pay homage to the almighty god Tohstre.
- Can be pimped up for cruisin'
- Can be used to toast books. "The toaster ate my homework!"
- They are envied by the cooker and chopping board.
- Are thirteen times more effective than regular tanning beds.
- Toasters are the subject of the 2005 Kaiser Chiefs song This bread is burned to a crisp na na na na noooo!
- Can be hacked and upgraded to have thirty six pieces of bread toasting at once!
- Are useful heckling implements.
- Can be used as bread projecting device. Useful for evading the attacks of crazed burglars that just so happen to be allergic to wheatgerm.
- Attach a glowing neon sign to create a handy bug zapper.
- Can be used to fight the power! Socket.
- Handy sock warmer.
- Some are Talkie
And one not so interesting fact[edit | edit source]
- They are available in technicolor.