Interesting facts about Toasters

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This particular toaster comes with a distorted cup of tea and spoon free!

“As everybody knows, all toasters toast toast.”

~ Captain Obvious on toasters

“That is a common misconception. Toasters actually toast bread.”

~ Toe S. Tarr, Professor of toastonomy at Towcester University

“Shuttup, egghead”

“I resent the implication that I'm a one-dimensional, bread-obsessed electrical appliance.”

~ Talkie Toaster

Toasters are more interesting than you think. In fact, there is a whole scientific field dedicated to studying the cause and effect (yadda yadda) of the toaster.

That's all well and good, but it ain't interestin'.[edit | edit source]

It has been found through rigorous testing - by throwing them off cliffs, into rivers and electrocuting elephants - that the following are all true of the humble toaster:

  • They are used to create life by insane mad scientists. They hook them up to the fridge and create... bread penguins!
  • Can be used to exterminate Daleks. It's thought they hate burnt crumbs.
  • In Norway, every other Tuesday is the day of the toaster. People gather and pay homage to the almighty god Tohstre.
Cool! Now all you need is some bread. Which you had to go down into the kitchen for anyway... meh, might as well use the real toaster. Ignore all this if you keep your computer next to the kitchen sink.
  • Can be pimped up for cruisin'
  • Can be used to toast books. "The toaster ate my homework!"
  • They are envied by the cooker and chopping board.
  • Are thirteen times more effective than regular tanning beds.
  • Toasters are the subject of the 2005 Kaiser Chiefs song This bread is burned to a crisp na na na na noooo!
  • Can be hacked and upgraded to have thirty six pieces of bread toasting at once!
  • Are useful heckling implements.
  • Can be used as bread projecting device. Useful for evading the attacks of crazed burglars that just so happen to be allergic to wheatgerm.
  • Attach a glowing neon sign to create a handy bug zapper.
  • Can be used to fight the power! Socket.
  • Handy sock warmer.
  • Some are Talkie

And one not so interesting fact[edit | edit source]

  • They are available in technicolor.

See also[edit | edit source]