Toaster

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“Aaaaarrggghh!”

~ You with a fork in a toaster

“Heh heh heh.”

~ The toaster, moments afterwards.
A light overcast on the fundrle noodle becomes a Russian wasky shopper, in Thailand. Although not purply green.

A toaster is an evil device. It was designed by Satan and forged in the ninth circle of Hell.

The toaster is evil[edit]

The toaster is evil.

It is.

I just know it.

It sits there all day. Just sitting, nothing less. It's like it's waiting. Waiting for the moment to strike. You put a piece of bread in it, and what happens? It comes out burnt, and crisp, and dead.

Something with that type of power couldn't be harmless.

And everyone knows that if you put something metal into a toaster then you'll get electrocuted .

So why don't I just destroy it?

Why?

I'll tell you.

It has a lifetime warranty.

Historical events linked to toasters[edit]

  • Throughout history toasters have played a significant role in various atrocities.
  • A toaster was what convinced Lee Harvey Oswald to start parting his hair on the left side.
  • During World War 2 toasters were used to convert old penny dreadful novels into steamed asparagus casseroles.
  • Toasters had a major impact on Osama Bin Laden's diet drug pyramid scheme.
  • Toasters are the reason Mega Man games are so difficult.

See also[edit]