J. R. R. Tolkien

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J.R.R. Tolkien is the modern equivalent of Moses and Paul in the religions of Nerdism and Geekism. He wrote the extremely sacred texts "The Hobbit" and "The Lord of the Rings" that is highly regarded today as "The Nerd Bible." Tolkien's doctrine has inspired his devout disciples to create things such as comics, fan fiction, and most importantly, the games World of Warcraft, Terraria, and Minecraft.

The barely discernible life he had[edit | edit source]

He had no life you noob! How else do you think he was even able to write those super-long books on his own without someone nagging behind his back to go find a better job!? And then people wonder why he resembles Gollum so much after sleepless nights of writing...

Unfortunately, it has been confirmed that Mr. Tolkien detailed his life under the name "Bilbo Baggins" after he saw some young man wearing extensively baggy clothes and had the street name "Bilbo." The following details are directly quoted from his scripture.

'Twas the finest of evenings, oh, the finest indeed. I was indulging in the luxuries a snob like me would enjoy, when there sudden came a loud knocking at my door.

Feud with C. S. Lewis[edit | edit source]

After inviting Lewis over for tea and being turned down one time, Tolkien released a series of diss tracks against C. S. Lewis, who responded in kind in a decades long hip hop rapper feud drama thing. You know how those work? I'm not sure, I just thought it would be a funny idea, but I can't seem to think of much else to say about it.

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