World of Warcraft

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“Dude! I fuckin' raided Deadmines!”

~ Excited 13-year old kid

“I'm doin' Naxx, BITCH!”

~ Overly-engrossed in WoW 26-year old.

“Naxx is for losers. REAL men do ICC!”

“Get off the freaking computer and change your clothes! They don't fit anymore!”

~ Overly-engrossed in WoW 26-year old's Mom
Well there is one benefit. You do get to look like a frikken sick zombie

World of Warcraft is a video game where you get to play as a character of ten different races and many different classes and do quests, raids, and even player vs. player combat WASTE YOUR LIFE FOR ONLY 15 FREAKING DOLLARS A MONTH!

Gameplay[edit]

In this game, you get to play as ten different races. Let me break them down individually.

The good guys[edit]

  • Human: Hm... I wonder what retarded role-player would pick this race? *rubs chin*
  • Dwarf: Great! You can play as a fat, short drunkard who sounds Scottish. What a stereotype.
  • Gnome: I display their asses on my front lawn.
  • Night Elf: Yeah, "I'm so beast cuz my ears flop up and down".
  • Draenei: The crack baby of... uh... A lot of animals...

The bad guys[edit]

  • Orc: Didn't I see these things in Lord of the Rings? Wait that was Sam.
  • Troll: Sure. Big blue guys with floppy ears and a Jamaican accent, mon.
  • Tauren: Why do people always hate on Tauren? What's their beef?[1]
  • Undead: Guess what? You can play as humans but AFTER THEY'RE DEAD because MAGICALLY when they die they completely change allegiance! and they have a sexy queen. But she died.
  • Blood Elves: Night Elves but white. Waitin' for that black elf race... Racist bastards at Blizzard. You can often find blood elf woman outside major cities stripping for gold.

There are ten classes in the game.

  • Warrior: Why use magic and all of that shit when you can just slash the crap out of your enemy?
  • Paladin: You can do magic, and beat the shit out of your enemy at the same time! Like if Jesus was also Chuck Norris.
  • Hunter: Why fight enemies alone when you can fight them with your very own rabid pet that you found in the wild? And the class is called hunter.
  • Mage: Shoot your enemies from afar and be a fucking sissy helpful part to your group.
  • Warlock: Satan would be proud.
  • Priest: Satan would not be proud. Jeebus would.
  • Shaman: Why kill your enemies with artificial spells when you can use new ALL NATURAL spells provided by your local trainer.
  • Druid: Be the video game equivalent of a tree hugger.... to the point where you can morph into a tree.
  • Rogue: Be a sneaky sum' bitch, and sneak up behind people and slit their throats.
  • Death Knight: When you have wasted ENOUGH time of your life getting ANOTHER character to level 55, you can get one of these O.P. gangsters.

There are a lot of major cities in the game.

  • Ironforge: It's DAMN hot up in this joint in 'dis volcano!
  • Gnomeregan: Over-run by the World of Warcraft equivalent of Squidward(s).
  • Darnassus: A gay ass city that is one with the environment GAY. Oh, and there are these giant trees there.
  • Stormwind: A bustling city with most of it's residents being either drug dealers or flaming homosexuals
  • Exodar: A giant ship that crashed and proves that Draenei can clearly not hold the weight of themselves and their elephants on a ship.
  • Orgrimmar: The World of Warcraft equivalent of where the Flinstones lived.
  • Darkspear Island: Where the trolls used to live. It got ated by a giant whirlpool thing-ma-jigg.
  • Undercity: The place your parents told you to stay away from.
  • Thunderbluff: Wait, wut? Where is this? Is that that shitty place with all those huts? That's the CAPTIAL?
  • Silvermoon City: The World of Warcraft equivalent of Beverly Hills.
  • Shattrath City: A place where the Alliance and the Horde live peacefully regularly give each other ass-kickings.
  • Dalaran City: OMG! It's so fucking laggy! WTF? BOOM *computer explodes

Price[edit]

It's like $50 for the regular game, it's $35 each for both the expansions and guess what? It's $15 dollars more every MONTH. Though many of you may scream, "Screw this! I'm playing Guild Wars!", don't freak out. World of Warcraft is a ever-changing game that will give you your money's worth. Haha. I can't say that with a straight face. Seriously, Blizzard is making you waste your money.

Effect on Your Life[edit]

World of Warcraft will ruin your life. The following things you will lose if you play WoW.

  • Your girlfriend/or boyfriend
  • Your job
  • Your virginity (after having sex with your disk drive)
  • Your ability to stop playing World of Warcraft
  • Your ability to eat anything other than Hot Pockets
  • Desk space (your microwave on your desk will take it all up)
  • Your potty training (you need a diaper)
  • Your un-obese-ness
  • Your pet (it will die from you not feeding it)
  • Your house (foreclosure)
  • Your running water
  • Your ability to talk (unless of course you use Vent or TeamSpeak)
  • Your ability to type complete sentences
  • Your ability to answer when someone says your real name (you will only answer to Zeedus, the warlock)
  • Your ability to not use abbreviations
  • Your life

Dealing with a World of Warcraft Addiction[edit]

If you are suffering from a World of Warcraft addiction call the following number:

1-800-WOW-SUX!

“It helped me! maybe you can be saved too! Or maybe I was just lucky. Or maybe I never stopped playing and still do in my sleep.”

~ Fonchezzz again

See also[edit]

  1. Bad pun


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