Mr. Monopoly
ROLE OF HIM
The CEO of the world monopoly organization. He was Earth's first multi trillionaire, who owned the majority of private equity firms, the majority of oil, all of baby oil, hundreds of major computer corporations, half of Earth's babies and all of the hasbro board games, aquired either through stratergy, luck or being really horny.
Life
He was born on a pile of cash on December 5, 1934 in ST Balls Hospice in Dubai just at the impressive age of zero. Up to the age of sixteen he was part of a poor billionaire family who owned a little less than half of the tungsten mines in Africa and Central Asia; "my poor life as a child was little more than ecconomic stability and rich social stance, I was a millionaire not a billionaire" he recounts in his 2003 autobiography [1] . However his When he reached the age of seventeen he became the world's first trillionaire, after buying out all of the squares in the board due to lucky rolling of dice. At the young age of 23 he became married to microsoft and nvidia officially Becoming the first human to officially enter a poliamorus-corpo marital relationship. After the aquisition of many key conglomerates and the eventuall merge of all board game companies into one, he became known as the "monopoly man". Many riots and violent and non violent anti-capitalist attacks limited him in his later life, leading him to escape to the moon. He later was assassinated in 2034, when he was fatally shot in the head by Luigi Mansion during his secret return to Earth in 2024.
Sexuality His personal marriage to microsoft, nvidia in 1947 then later, Amazon and Apple, is highly controversial in nature being deemed "fucking bat ass fucking cock sucking fat pig fucking perverted ass motherfucking shit fuck fuck fuck clucking shit crazy" by the Guardian in 1967.[2] The responce of Monopoly was clearly stated in a 1969 public Interview "I don't give a fuck bitch go suck a fat one" .
Famous quotes
- "I don't fucking care about you poor assholes"
- "Epstein is such a great guy, I wanna take a photo with him"
- "I love Corporations, give me another one URGHHH"
- "If you have less than a eignt figure wage, you have no say in my corporate ownership of your life"
- "I hope no one blows my brains out in a dark unprotected street in New York"
- "My sexuality is corporate, my life is corporate I belive you should do as well"
Assassination and eventual flipping of the board
The assasination of Mr. Monopoly is celebrated by many, especially those who had lost the game prior. The event took place perpendicular to 83 Avenue New York in a dark unconspicuous alley, security camera footage from the northern side of the alley, which was used in Luigi's trial. The death of Monopoly led to the breakup of the board in a fight against the remaining players, leading to key industries such as Pacific Avenue becoming bankrupt and leading to a global reccession of hair.