Randall's Circles of Hell

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Randall's Nine Circle's of Hell are not to be confused with Dante's.

Whereas Dante's circles of Hell describe the layered sections of a carefully constructed hierarchy of tortured sinners, with the most treacherous and disgusting xweetok , gnorbu & eyrie filth occupying the seats next to Beelzebub himself, Randall's circles structure only the fast food system in Hell.

Would you like fries with that?
  • Circle one: Parking lot barbecues.
  • Circle two: Hot hot hot dog stand.
  • Circle three: Take-out pizza slices with extra hot peppers... 666 minutes or free.
  • Circle four: McDonalds and their new McBrimstone sandwich.
  • Circle five: Lord of the Fries on the boardwalk, overlooking the Pit of Demons.
  • Circle six: Soft-serve ice-cream place...um, there is no ice cream in Hell! That’s the Hell of it.
  • Circle seven: The Lake of Fire Vegetarian Delights rotisserie.
  • Circle eight: Burger Prince of darkness.
  • Circle nine: Hell room service (dial 666-13-13).

Randall's innovative concentric circle design for directory volumes was ahead of its time; it was never utilized by the Hell Tourism and Naturalization Department because no one understood how to read it.

See also[edit | edit source]