Pizza

I will set up shop in your colon and smoke all your cigarettes.

With anchovies.

And...cooked giant rat meat.

The anchovies look like blue shrimp.

And thus, it begins.

Pizza History

Pizza was invented by the Roman people who thought that bread and sauce were good together. And it is.

People thought it would be a good idea to start collecting pizza crusts.

And I don't blame them. Crusts are quite the collector's item, as a renowned crust enthusiast once described:

This one came from a pizza, and this one came from a pizza, and this one came from a pizza. I also collect socks, but some of my cheesed socks might have depreciated in value. Feel free to pizza my socks as well. Jim Socks wouldn't disapprove.

My neighbour *hic* is the coolest. He doesn't eat pizza though. What a *hic* disappointment.

How to Make Pizza

1. Get a flat piece of bread. At least that's what I think it is.
2. Get some tomato sauce.
3. Get an alarm clock and smash it with a hammer until it is broken up into several pieces.
4. Mix the alarm clock pieces in with the sauce.
5. Do the Macarena on top of the pizza barefoot.
6. Cover it with goat hair and fold the bread up into a ball.
7. Roll a taco over your face.
8. Defecate onto the bread ball, then add those green slimy things. I mean, what they hell are they anyway?
9. Poke it.
10. Put the bread ball into the oven on 500 for 60 minutes.
11. Take the bread ball out, sit on it, and sprinkle it with oregano and perhaps some sprinkles if you are bold.
12. Eat the pizza without eating your hands in the process.

See also

• Explosive Pizza
• Pizza Poking

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