Food court

“Order in the Food Court!”

~ André Breton

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The Food Court was founded during the racial unrest of the 1960s; led by civil-rights leaders Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima, its docket now focuses largely on food-related litigation.

The Food Court is also responsible for determining each year's winner of the Queen's Plate.

Authors of SPAM banned from the Internet

History

The initial mandate of the Food Court was to hear cases which had been put on the back burner by the existing judiciary system, so that key issues like the Coke vs. Pepsi taste challenges could be heard immediately and cases involving Minute Rice could go to trial in under five minutes.

This step was taken after civil-rights activists Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima staged a series of sit-ins at Woolworth's lunch counters across the South to demand that leaders such as General Tso and Colonel Sanders step in to restore key and basic democratic rights.

Cases

Key legal precedents established by the Food Court include:

Ketchup v. Catsup, a key Food Court precedent case

Chicken vs. Egg

Judicial precedence was granted in the Canary Islands to Egg on the basis of Charles Darwin's testimony.

McDonald's made me fat lawsuits

A judgement requiring installation of playground equipment at all franchise locations, to give the li'l brats a workout to remove some of the excess fat before they're served up as food.

Tomato vs. tomato

This case was settled on the courthouse steps, with both sides agreeing to "let's call the whole thing off."

Dinner Party vs. Republican Party

A landmark ruling on whether the Reagan administration is in breach of etiquette by serving surplus cheese at dinner parties left both sides rather cheesed off.

R. vs Mr. Freeze

The case of the People vs. Mr. Freeze ended in a conviction after Bulimia spilled his guts about this heinous crime.

Real men vs. Quiche

Quiche was placed under house arrest with a side order of parsley in order to avoid further affront to the sensibilities of self-proclaimed "real men".

Ronald McDonald vs. The Hamburglar

The Hamburglar was unanimously acquitted on the basis of eyewitness testimony that McDonald's food isn't worth stealing.

Great Irish Potato Famine vs. Exploding Wales

Wales was found innocent of any wrongdoing leading to the Irish famine.

Real cheese vs. Kraft Cheese

J. L. Kraft was sent to prison for possession of a suspicious orange powdery substance. The identity and composition of the powder have yet to be determined.

9-11 vs. 7-Eleven

A ruling as to which emergency service is to supply custard blankets to freezing, homeless survivors of the Kashmir quake. 7-11 was given precedence in the case as, when one calls for 9/11 and pizza, the pizza usually arrives first.

Standard Size vs. Super Size

The case was thrown out due to insufficient evidence. It turns out that Super Size is in fact Standard Size only in a different box.

M&Ms vs. Skittles

The case was thrown out because "Skittles are fucking candy, and M&Ms are CHOCOLATE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

French Fries vs. American Fries

The case was awarded to American Fries due to the French's inability to secure the title.

Democratic Republic of the Congo vs. Republic of the Congo

It sounded tasty enough, but it was thrown out at the committal hearing.

Justices of the Supremes Court

See also

• Supremes Court, with jurisdiction over all things funky