Beelzebub

Beezlebub bath foam is available at Wal*Shart's, Gruntaloons Drug, Stop'n'Flop and Wild Pete's Messianic Kosher Deli & Break Dancing.

Beelzebub foam

Beelzebub foam is a type of demonic bath foam, so named because of the distinctive 'Bub bub bub' sound, and the odd 'Beeeeelzzz' sound that it makes when it is squirted out of the canopic jar in which it is sold to consumers. It has had several very successful advertisements, most of them concentrating on the demonic nature of the basic constituents, involving ketchup, shaving foam, custard that has been scraped back off a clown's face, and - of course - the magic ingredient of the gunge scraped out of the underside of trolls' toenails. Surprisingly, this has not been too great a hit with the general population, that prefer to use products such as goats' urine and turds.

Beelzebub the devil

Beelzebub the devil was created for advertising purposes, and starred in many successful adverts, with many memorable slogans such as "It feels so good to have your toes singed off" and "I'm being baked alive, get me out of here". However, as Beelzebub's basic constituents were the same as a demon, he began to hunger with ambition for a new, evil lifestyle. As a result, he decided to eat the managing director of Beelzebub foam, and (just for good measure) used his shinbones to pick his teeth.

The rise of Beelzebub

After his brutal escape from BFL (Beelzebub foam limited), Beelzebub investigated numerous guilds of mythical creatures, including the ''Fairies Universal Collective Kingdom'' (for whom the abbreviation is too harsh to bestow on the delicate fairy's ears) and the Society for goblins under local landmarks (SGULL), before finally regarding everyone else as genetically inferior (which is clearly false - he didn't have genes. Short of that...). He created the Evil Demon Association for Multinational Societies. (EDAMS) and went on to terrorize the world with the aforesaid cheese.

EDAMS and politics

EDAMS went on to become an extremist party, employing both politics and plotics The other main members of the party that were recruited were... Other devils, and Comedy Wiki writers (they had a few random names, but that isn't important). Beelzebub had only a marginal success, as the only seat he managed to pole was a latrine. Beelzebub decided to consolidate power over this humble support, and went on to expand on the toilet. He did this until the toilet was hundreds of miles in diameter.

Beelzebub's latrine

Beelzebub's latrine began as a usual water closet, but was twisted by the dark arts that Beelzebub only learned from a hag with a face like a monkey's crotch (so, quite hot then). However, over time two major changes affected this toilet. As it has been said before, the size of this toilet increase dramatically, so it was practically impossible to use in the typical manner except by some supernaturally large person such as a god. The second difference was the result of the latrine expansion. Beelzebub became a bit thin on the ground in terms of funding (but certainly not in terms of lavatories), and decided to cut the water cost by instead of flushing the toilet, they would incinerate the turds, which would save costs. This project launched by EDAMS, was known as Holistic Expanded Local Latrine (HELL)

Funding for project HELL

Fortunately, project HELL had a surprise source of funding. It so happened that God wanted to find a place for all of his political opposition, that would discourage people from supporting parties such as PAGEN and ATHEIST. God was wondering where to send all these people, and in order to inspire him, he went to go to the toilet for a poo. Unfortunately, he happened to choose project HELL, and so when he went, he was struck by a sudden smell of burning hair and poo. Of course, project HELL was precisely what God was looking for.

And they all lived happily ever after...

(Except all those people that are burning for eternity in Beelzebub's burning latrine of course)

see also

• undead
• how to shave
• OUCH
• Satan

   The Host of Satans   

Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Satan.
Original Satan: The one who fell first.	The Scourge of Europe: EuroSatan
Satan Claus: Ensnaring dyslexics looking for Santa.	Satan's apprentice: Prince of Darkness
Satan Bunny: Beware his cuddliness.	The scariest Satan: Antichrist
Crankypants Satan: Invented toddlers and Disco.	The most incomprehensible Satan: Anti-Christ
Space Satan: aka Bat Fuck Satan.	Satan's socialist alter ego: The Devil
Lucifer: aka The Bright One.	The Noisy: Brusifer
Hellmo: Satan of Sesame Street.	Satan in command of enemy forces in War on Terra: Bambi
Satin: The unwary think his name a typo.	Satan's younger brother: Stan
Dick Cheney: Republican Satan.	Satan of gaming: Sega
GLaDOS: Futuristic Satan of Portal.	Music that summons Satans of all kinds: Black metal