Rock lobster
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“Is it a rock?”
“No... No it is not”
The Rock Lobster (or Nobellius-rock-lobstericus) is a rare species of death crustacean known famously for it's witty sense of humour and ability to instantly kill most large mammals in it's vice-pincer grip of doom. Though now technically endangered some may argue that the rock lobsters numbers are far greater than before, we just may not be able to see them due to their incredible rock like appearance.
Life and Death[edit | edit source]
Lobsters of this particular species are known well for their ability to live thousands of years and form bands. Typically they are born under ground or conceived within the confines of mosh-pits, though they grow to their full size within a few hours, the rock lobster is considered an extremley fragile creature and should not be huffed. The most famous rock lobster is indeed Lobster Jesus. No actual evidence has ever been recorded of a rock lobster dying, this leads to the assumption that they are immortal. If you were to encounter one the best idea would be to Run the FUCK away or just to simply avoid it. The famed rock lobster has a list of natural predators those being:
- The B-52's
- Other Rock Lobsters
- The 'man'
- The Dinosaurus Rex
- Various types of mold
- Eagles
- Rocks
- Rock Mantis
- Lobsters (Regular)
- Pretty much all of Europe
- Karaoke
- Messed up new wave surf music
Rock and the lobster[edit | edit source]
Rock lobsters do in fact play every instrument known to man, infact most of the best songs' ever made were created originally by talented rock lobsters and later stolen by large companies or Robots in Disquise. Very rarely do rock lobsters take students to their lairs and tutor them, there have only been 3 recorded cases thus far (Bill S. Creston Esquire, Ted Theodore Logan and Blackula). Rock Lobsters have been banned from MTV and other popular music broadcasting companies due to their hideous appearance.
Recent survey says owning or even being in the vicinity of a rock lobster can increase your rockliness by up to 20% and in some cases lobsterliness by around 5%. When leading scientists were asked about their views on the various habits of Rock Lobsters they themselves were found out to be Rock Lobsters.
The Evidence[edit | edit source]
A popular misconception of the noble Rock Lobster is that it does not infact exist, this is ridiculous and those ignorant to the existence of this fine creature should be burnt. Infact the most famous documentation for the creature was done by the band The B-52's, their song Rock Lobster describing in horrifying detail the existence of such a crustacean. It even displays the true noises Rock Lobsters create, which sound something like "Shadoobewop woooo".