Schroedinger

Hilbert J. Schroedinger was a mathematician and part-time canary-whisperer.

History

Born in the early 1650's, Schroedinger was able to discover the secret to alchemical immortality at a very young age, and soon became the top wizard in all of Britain. However, because of witch trials, he went into hiding under the pseudonym of William Shakespeare, in the town of Lecherstershireshershire. He became famous for "using words like magic". However, once the witch trials ended and Anti-Semitism began, Schroedinger fled to Switzerland, where he could study magic in peace. Soon enough the centuries slipped away and modern society was beginning to catch up with his magic.

No longer insufferable troglodytes, Schroedinger hired an apprentice by the name of Albert Einstein. Together they traveled Switzerland putting up cheap magic shows and sawing women in half. It was pretty good until Einstein wanted to share his magic with other humans. Schroedinger was not happy. He agreed, but he said it must not be easy to understand. Einstein decided to explain it as what humans called science, and so created a new field which he dubbed Quantum Mechanics. This went viral on all the chat rooms, and people started becoming wizards. Schroedinger, not wanting to seem incompetent, simplified Einstein's terminology to an allegory a human can understand by repeatedly abusing a cat.

This explanation, possibly because of its inclusion of cats, had 439932 views on YeoldeTube, and was an even bigger success than Einstein's. Einstein became jealous and revoked Schroedinger's immortality potion. Schroedinger shriveled up and died in about the mid 20th century.

Scientifical Explanation

Schroedinger's cat abuse clarified to the insignificant trolls of mud about tiny pieces of things called electrons and their behavior. Namely,

ih ∂/∂t*Ψ(x,t) = -h²/2m ∂²/∂x²*Ψ(x,t)+U(x,t)Ψ(x,t)

Or rather, two tiny thingies when locked together in a thingy will spin with opposite thingies.