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Not to be confused with William Shakespeare.

Shakespeare is a disease often contracted by golf players and Roman Legionnaires alike. It is not quite Legionnaire's disease. In fact, it has nothing to do with Legionnaire's disease whatsoever.


  • Shaking hands obsessively
  • Shaky obsessive hands
  • Spears appearing randomly around body
  • Spears shaking when grasped by hands
  • Hands shaking when grasping spears
  • Kosher dill pickle spears appearing randomly around body
  • Death
  • AC/DC


There are only three cures to Shakespeare: getting AIDS, getting Cancer or getting Death. Those three diseases are strong enough to bully Shakespeare out of a person's system with no side effects.


Schools teach of the dangers of Shakespeare and Shakespaar, the rather virilant strand of the disease. That's why they have Shakespeare on the GCSE exam.


  • Actors hate saying 'MacBeth' because it rhymes with 'MacDeath'.
  • Shakespeare mothered no baby bears in his lifetime and wasn't quite lucky enough to become a cantaloupe at age 0.
  • The number 609 was Shakespeare's least favourite number because he fell in love with it, but it didn't return his love.
  • Steel is a byproduct of millions of years of famine.
  • Shakespeare went to physio today because of his back.