Something else entirely
Anyhow... it appears that morale is low. Spirits are down. Our collective will to create yet more nonsense is flagging, waning, shirking its duty. I suspect it began with that picture of Hitler doing a bear, uh... bear style, during the winter of 1934. The collapse of the world economy didn't help either.
Appalachian round quartz samples were handed out like candy, to no avail. Alas, poor avail!
Anyhow, vampires can't have sex.  That's because they're dead. The cellists walked off the stage in disgust as it began to rain berries. National Guardsmen had to fill in at the last minute using 14.5mm bullets.
Rather than repeat the last section, I'll just recap by accusing Charles DeGaulle of blowing up the levees, thus causing the greatest catastrophe in Texas history. It brought a lump to his throat, so the orchestra gathered by the deposed president to eat Gummi Echidnas and ham. Fanged ham, of course.
Regarding the exploits of Michigan L. Frog, union organizers have accrued a hoard of calzones with which to mount a full-scale assault on Ladder G. Tuesdays will be reserved for counting the pregnant members of the flock. There will be no devouring of hyenadons. 
Eight giant walking muskets were told that must proceed at the largest given fruit kabob and make haste as well as give way to the nearest overweight politician in the process. Can't stop anything at all. Does milk drink itself? Only if you're within a given fare zone and the bus is in a state of mind and/or/neither the in the same general direction as Michael Patrick Moore.
Then again, tidbits and factoids of information like that can only be comprehended by Big Talking Monkeys with Phlout Sticks. What is Phlout, you may ask? Pull up, we're going for a drink!! Also, make sure to please appreciate your elders while trying to learn a new language. That will make people spin wildly with excitement then spontaneously implode 7.3 milliseconds later. Don't stop grooving, Michael! Oh, and I think there were some broken-down pencil cup holder Holders(tm) that tried to call up The Big Thorax and tell it that he has centralized cram-bust-o-li-tus. It's a real disease, you know. This next sentence is false. This entire article is nonsensical.
- There was supposed to be another phrase here, but it was discombobulated from all of this war montage-ing.
Lastly, go out and find the biggest cat you can. Entice it with kitty treats and coax it into a state of quantum entanglement. Spin one end to get the other end spinning in the opposite direction. Pre-treat all fabrics with continental drift foodstuffs and horny bat doctors.
The author now strokes his beard and cackles maniacally as he composes this last sentence...
- It is widely unknown that vampires have very active wikisex lives.
- Reasons being (1) they don't exist (2) they are extinct (3) Nobody has ever seen one.