Ted Cruz
“He's an immigrant! Get him out!”
Ted "Bundy" Cruz is a Cube running for president unprecedented access to the secrets of America, such as what makes hamburgers taste so good with their distinctive cow flavors and why people have a rabidly irrational hatred for chiropractors.
Ted likes to spend time with his estranged wife and kids (obviously in a vicarious manner [yes, "vicarious" will be the only word here that a conservative Republican brain won't be able to handle]) and reminisce about his days spent living in Canada.
Politics[edit | edit source]
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Watch his campaign vid right here!
| 2016 US Election |
| An Illogicopedian guide to a very something-cratic election. Hide the kids! |
| Hilly the First Female (Democracy or what?) • Bigger than life, like Texas (It's a republic obviously) For a better nickname... (Republicant (with the ant on the end) • Three generations and counting (Like Fox News) • IRISH-ish (I'm pretty democrazy) • Money does the job (Rep yet again) • Not related to KFC (On the far bluish end) • John Ithinki'mgonnabesick (The GOP will gladly clean my mess) • Green-skinned Frankenstein (It might be the cannabis...) |
| Result: Let's all move to Canada! |
| See who's in and who's out |
| Final Candidates |
| It's Hillary-ous how negligent yet over-qualified she is to do this! |
| Rigging and bribing my way to the top is the ultimate political Trump card! |