Ted Cruz

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“He's an immigrant! Get him out!”

Ted "Bundy" Cruz is a Cube running for president unprecedented access to the secrets of America, such as what makes hamburgers taste so good with their distinctive cow flavors and why people have a rabidly irrational hatred for chiropractors.

Ted likes to spend time with his estranged wife and kids (obviously in a vicarious manner [yes, "vicarious" will be the only word here that a conservative Republican brain won't be able to handle]) and reminisce about his days spent living in Canada.

Politics[edit]

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Watch his campaign vid right here!

2016 US Election
An Illogicopedian guide to a very something-cratic election. Hide the kids!
Hilly the First Female (Democracy or what?) Bigger than life, like Texas (It's a republic obviously)
For a better nickname... (Republicant (with the ant on the end) Three generations and counting (Like Fox News) IRISH-ish (I'm pretty democrazy) Money does the job (Rep yet again) Not related to KFC (On the far bluish end) John Ithinki'mgonnabesick (The GOP will gladly clean my mess) Green-skinned Frankenstein (It might be the cannabis...)
Result: Let's all move to Canada!
See who's in and who's out
Final Candidates
It's Hillary-ous how negligent yet over-qualified she is to do this!
Rigging and bribing my way to the top is the ultimate political Trump card!