The Little Book of Parables

For the iMpatient generation.

• Jimothy was sitting in a deckchair drinking pink lemonade... but it was winter. God came down and said "WTF kid, it's the wrong time of year," to which Jimothy replied "Chillax: 'tis said that a xenophobe fries eggs among foreigners," upon which a nearby samaritan exploded.

• A rock was dead. Try to disprove that one!

• An inadequate punk was falling down the stairs when he came across an owl sitting on the handrail. The owl replied "oh my, that is sexually immoral!," and flew into the nearest wall.

• Brad was, like, soo not gonna make it to college, so he gave the teacher head and NOW HE'S FUCKING PREGNANT.

• This is your brain on drugs: "Bszirrrrraaaaarrrglmhhhhhhhh... h?"

• A child was asking his teacher for a pen, when the teacher replied "Jesus was a sinner." When the child asked why he had said that, he replied, "here's your pen."

• A sheep was being herded when he plucked up the courage to say "to where are we being herded?" to which the herder replied "to the borders of the earth. The sheep understood, and was vaguely wiser.

• A frenchman was wearing a flag. It was not his.

• Once upon a time God was almighty. The end. Or is it?