Weed postulates

The weed postulates are a set of theses developed by some dude on marijuana. They are funny and interesting.

The weed postulates

• Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal.
• The voice in your head knows all your secrets.
• “Ima” is a three letter contraction of a four word phrase.
• Gas stations in the olden days were bales of hay.
• It was a missed opportunity not calling veterinarians dogtors.
• Driving drunk decreases your chances of dying of cancer.
• “Thicc” is actually the most accurate slang term because the “cc” resembles the booty.
• If James Hetfield officiated Kermit and Ms. Piggy’s wedding… he’d be the Pastor of Muppets….
• If packages containing sex toys are delivered by drone you’ll be getting a literal flying fuck.
• Kelvin (K) is literally an absolute unit.
• If there was a Guinness record on the person who was dead the longest, it could not be broken.
• Your digestive system both starts and ends with cheeks.
• Picasso would’ve enjoyed LSD.
• If families get their surnames from their deeds, such as the Smiths or the Fletchers, the Dickinsons have a lot of explaining to do.
• You and your best friend wont be able to go to each others funerals.
• Zoos charge us money to look at animals they stole.
• Every light switch is also a dark switch.
• If Noah’s Ark actually happened, then we are living in a post-apocolyptic world.
• “Eleven plus two” is an anagram of “twelve plus one”. Both add up to thirteen.
• Poultry farmers are literally chicken tenders.
• Porn is the only type of movies where spoilers are allowed in the title.
• Somewhere in the world there is one penguin who is the most gnarly, hardcore, badass penguin living by penguin standards and to us it just looks like another chubby little bird.
• If men who don’t date taller women are insecure in their masculinity, then women who don’t date shorter men are insecure in their femininity.
• If your handwriting is bad enough you’re pretty much ambidextrous.
• If someone says they haven’t pooped in a month, they are full of shit.