Whip

Quite the useful DVD for the average, whip-possessing populace.

Whips are strange pieces of some weird sort of material that people use to inflict pain on others and make outrageously entertaining sounds with. They're really a quite difficult subject for most people to tackle; an obscure "fun" fact is that in the world as it exists today, there are less than 20 whip experts (there are 0). That being said, you won't find a whip often, and much less often will you find someone with a good knowledge on what a whip really is. There is so little information regarding whips that I'm genuinely concerned that this article will not meet the word threshold to remain on Wikipedia, and get shipped off to some obscure low-traffic spoof wiki, which would be quite unfortunate indeed.

The Struggle of Written Conversation Involving Whips

The only real issue with enough content to include in this article regarding whips is the enormous amount of conflict writers are confronted with when try to spell out the sound a whip makes. Most, after perilous hours in painstaking which result in something along the lines of "Whcewwwpiiish" or something quite like it, take the cop out and just write, "the ferocious crack of the slave's master whip forced the bawling slave boy to cry harder than he ever had before". I'm pretty sure we can all agree that any good author utilizes the good ol' fashioned onomatopoeia for every single sound described in whatever piece of work they are writing. Thus, good authors are few and far between, or just politely skip around including noises in their writing altogether.

The issue runs deeper than just in the realms of the professional writers. Your standard internet-goer, somehow dragged into say, a Facebook argument over whips, might struggle heartily in efforts to perfectly compose the sound a whip makes, not only to redeem the satisfaction of getting a few "likes", but also to gain the approval of people they're only barely acquainted with. "Hey, it's worth a shot," they think, "Maybe I'll get a real friend or two out of this." Waltzing into the conversation with high hopes, their self esteem plummets into oblivion as they abandon it just as quickly as they entered, having contributed "Wa-pis" and immediately getting mocked by their superior peers. Needless to say, the scope of the issue reaches far and clear, affecting not only literary professionals but the average citizen like yourself.

The Struggle of Professionals in Determining what Whips are Really Made of

“That's the biggest rat tail I've ever seen...”

~ New York Sewer Worker on a only mildly sized whip

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's some weird piece of skin that really hurts if it hits you. Yes, that is what the whip is. Only the most thorough scientific insight can tell us more than that, although due to a whip's inherent ability to dissuade scientists' interest, science too has little more to say than "the tip of the whip travels pretty fast before it hits you", and then dumps whatever whip data they had into a trash can before drenching it in lighter fluid and burning it.

Of course, philosophy had to take a stab at it, and, like every other time in history philosophy ever got involved with something practical, it failed to produce meaningful results. The pinnacle of the philosophic efforts can be summarized embarrassingly briefly in the below quote:

“What is whipping? Is it a thing or an idea?”

~ Phil O'Sophy on whips

Needless to say, no one ever paid attention to it ever, until I was unfortunate enough to be forced to dig up the records to try and stuff some sort of redeemable content into this article. So far I would say it wasn't worth it. I suppose that's for the Wikipedia Administrators to decide.

Predictable WIP Joke

This article is burly men unfolding umbrellas.   Maybe you should help it on its way.