Writer
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A writer is a poor excuse for a human being. A writer is usually drug- and/or booze-addled, pretentious know-it-all who will bore you to tears with stories about the angst in their life because nobody will publish their drivel. If they can get away with it, writers will sponge off spouses, lovers and housemates to avoid having to work for a living. Most writers enjoy making a public display of their vain efforts to find meaning in their neuroses, typing in coffee shops, malls and parks and really anywhere one can set up with a laptop and be an obstacle to foot traffic.
If forced to work, a writer will usually take a menial job and complain about how it's beneath their intellect, or bray about how their life experiences among the unwell-to-do adds to their writing. Many writers practice making faces in the mirror, trying to convey their intelligence and incredibly deep grasp of the meaning of life. Otherwise, writers may take teaching positions, having failed to bamboozle anyone out of cash for typing. Early on, they may present as enthusiastic molders of minds, becoming grandiose in their own eyes and those of unsophisticated students. This type of teacher is a terrific income generator for the mental health professions.
There are subcategories of writers, the few that are good at their craft, or can get jobs slapping words together regardless of quality.
Journalists[edit | edit source]
The journalist is an extinct form of human, thought to have died out as late as the 1960s by anthropologists, and as early as 1913 by Prussian nobles. These men and women performed such heroic acts as reporting objectively.