Illogiguide chapter 2:walrus
“yar! that blasted two-tusked seal! i shoulda sent him to ol' davey jones locker long ago!”
walruses are gentle creatures. except the brutish species of walrus in the blog bog, that will chase (with no success due to their weight issues) and proceed to rip apart your flesh. i have no idea why pirates hate walruses so much.
they have great appreciation for Shakesphere and a deep hatered for eeble sonks. you better not get near one with one.
of course i have no idea what would happen if they got one. if you find out then good for you: you just wasted a ton of time when you could have saved the world! and you could have done it in 5 minutes flat!
basically what you could have done was destroy a pirate ship, kill a moose, wreck a trasmitter, fix a whatchamacallit, and see the cheese. but you didnt. ha ha.
walruses are very messy. but not as messy as pirates. never tell them to clean up their mess!
walruses, although usually peaceful, can TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH GUNS AND LAZERS AND RAINBOWS AND BACON AND DESTROY EVERYTHING!
wait... rainbows?![edit | edit source]
yes, this happened once before. it started a chain of events that led to the Battle with Slightly Depressed Rainbows.
“ack!... poison... dying... stupid rainbow... *dead*”
“my name still sucks. now dude is dead. my mother was stupid to name me this. she sucks too.”
“im not dead yet! *rainbow pulls out super cannon* o crap- *dead for real*”
rainbows can vaporize you easily. in which case the walrus will crate up you body and ship you to the blog bog so the brute walruses can eat you.
luckily the chances of being hit with a rainbow (walruses have poor aim) are Failed to parse (SVG (MathML can be enabled via browser plugin): Invalid response ("Math extension cannot connect to Restbase.") from server "https://wikimedia.org/api/rest_v1/":): {\displaystyle H4×0+R%×(O-Y)+G>B:I<V } against.
unless of course its a slightly depressed rainbow in which case the odds are in the favor of you dying.
why you should like walruses[edit | edit source]
walruses are such gentle creatures that the illogic armada chose them as their recruit class mascot. not much else.