Appalachian Man Frog

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“No, he's not French”

suddenly... BANANAS!

The Appalachian Man Frog is a special case of relativity with a liberal education. Credited with kick-starting both the Renaissance and the Protestant Reformation, AMF [1] incorporated itself into an organized movement against whatever was convenient. The Original Covenant, a bellicose document written for the purpose of establishing the presence of Holy Man-Froggery on Earth, and assembling a group OF respected, like-minded individuals to sign it with the Pope as a witness.

Across the itchy hilltops of the Carolinas blew such a wind as to merit a remark on the front page of the local Weekly Dodgeball Mad Loggers Digest. Once all signatories had crossed the border into France [2], via manifold surreptitious Republican routes, they lined up in order of silliness:

Science![edit | edit source]


Some guy called it, "spooky action at a distance", but lesser fools have been ignorant of it altogether. Logos, the word, they say, is the mystery of angular momentum. The legacy of old European heuristic feudalism proves an embarrassment, without the benefits of a racier scandal involving, say, a mistress and bizarre uses for several vegetables.

Eep! Eep! Eep![edit | edit source]

My grandmother used to make this noise. I think it was supposed to signify the impending apocalypse. One may deduce that her every utterance of this irritating sound was a false alarm, since the apocalypse probably has not come to pass. At lease [4], there is no evidence that it has.

I was thinking about cosmology today, and it struck me. A bus.[edit | edit source]

" this, only Daddy has his clothes off."

The bus had just pulled out, luckily for me. I also had several witnesses who confirmed my story, a tale of woe centered on my having been raised by golf pros. Hours of meditation on meticullously crafted mandalas, followed by a schvitz and a light supper of bat-wrapped scallops on rye with thousand island dressing, horseradish, jalapeño mayonnaise and sauerkraut, had prepared me for my ordeal, my heroic journey of the common man, such that I was addle-pated with confidence.

Baconism[edit | edit source]

The Society of Bacon AKA the Baconists AKA Assemblage of Non-Kosher Meats AKA The Drunken Dog Show, are a group of men that make up a super secret group of men who share an enthusiasm for pork products in all of their glorious manifestations. Established in 1886 as a tax shelter for railroad tycoons, the original members were to a man dumb as a stump.

Younch[edit | edit source]

A venereal disease transmitted by enraged male badgers to timid accountants. Engineers on the scene initially pointed to overly porous concrete. Subsequent bilge pumps were tasked with the normal duties assigned to Dog the Bounty Hunter. Preoccupied with diligent attention to the babies being dropped off a building, he walked off the edge himself, his mangled corpse left to be humped by a local pack of wild dogs.

Surf Fascisti?[edit | edit source]

First surf Nazis, now this?

It was the end of the First Great War, a time of instability on a sophomoric scale in Italy. Entire bridge abutments erupted into polynomial expressions.

"The predatory ratchet was bolstered by de facto insurgency, of which 55 were Hugenots."

Audio interview with the worlds first talking dog[edit | edit source]

M Theory[edit | edit source]

M Theory is a theory that predicts the Cartesian product of fungal nannites producing the Compton effect in bulk for shipment to Albania. In layman's terms, it is a branch of cosmology that suggests giant strings of prepickled fluffiness hold the universe together by will alone. That's what was in the film Dune, at least.

No, wait, that preceded String Theory. Never mind. Right, well, back to M Theory.

Not M-theory, but somehow related.

FNOR gate[edit | edit source]

Boolean algebra (logic), NAND gate, Tautologies

Wrong way[edit | edit source]

If you go too far, or make a wrong turn, you've gone the wrong way. Having gone the wrong way, you'll probably want to do something aboot [5] it. Another way to do things is not to go at all. Stay home, relax, take the day off.

Frylock[edit | edit source]

Frylock can usually be found on top. He also has been known to rock it like a cop.

Telepathy[edit | edit source]

I see you when you're sleeping, I know when you're awake.

Søren Kierkegaard[edit | edit source]

Søren Kierkegaard (1849 - 1937) was an Etruscan Rhodes Scholar, retail tile salesman and renegade clergyman [6] of some repute. The remaining repute has been invested in troll typistry, that long lost and arcane art of fooling people with bogus accents and made-up names. Four percent of his modern day descendants are considered dangerous and toothy.

Vice-president palpates Smug Credenza[edit | edit source]

Ridiculing formal education is just wrong.

Bejesus[edit | edit source]

There was a time when bejesus was considered bad form at a cocktail party. Due to the so-called "passage of time", that time is no longer. It has been replaced by a time with antlers and antique automobiles. Since you, dear reader, are approaching the end of this article, we at AMF are confident that you are grateful and/or stupefied. A giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps, you see. Thus, the antlers.

See Also[edit | edit source]

Referential Stuff[edit | edit source]

  1. Contrary to popular belief, monks refused to belch aloud on the Sabbath.
  2. As of this writing, nobody lives in France.
  3. What?
  4. As opposed to renting. Notice the clever substitution of "lease" for "least", begging the question.
  5. While it may be true that, "a salad ain't dinner", about may be a boot in Northern climes.It may also be a bout. Once bids were sealed, a promissory note for freeze-dried monkeys made police consider that the victim had stabbed himself.
  6. Did somebody order a pulse laser?