Leonardo da Vinci

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Leonard Vince, better known as Leonardo da Vinci by his homies in da 'hood, was a writer, artist, and beloved mascot of his local soccer team who lived during the Late Middle Early Modern Post-Renaissance Medieval period in the unnamed space between France and Switzerland where nobody else wanted to live. He is most often ignored for his contributions to Illogicopedia and the shoe-making industry, because he was involved in neither. Yet another totally useless and ignored contribution of his was constructing the Great Pyramids of Giza.

Life[edit | edit source]

He had one.[citation needed] But to be specific...

Early life[edit | edit source]

Born an average turtle, no one could expect he was destined for greatness.[1] Like most infant average nonmutant tortoises, he was adequate at waxing stuff. This allowed him to get a minimum wage job at the bowling alley. However, one day Tragedy struck; while dealing with Yertle Seuss's birthday bash, Tragedy Christophersonski bashed the poor[2] reptile's[3] head in with a jar of radioactive waste. The papers called this the "Tragedy Christophersonski's Revenge Incident" (TCRI).

After that incident at the bowling alley, Leonardo never wanted to show his face in public again. This inevitably resulted in not having much of a life, because he only came out disguised as a mime when he wanted to buy groceries and stayed at home the rest of the time. Loser.

Teenage Years[edit | edit source]

Leonardo spent his teenage years hanging out with the slow kids and the giant furry mice[4] where he was trained in the art[citation needed] of stalking people.

Death[edit | edit source]

Twiddle, fibble, and stronk! Leonardo wrote pages upon pages of nonsense poetry in his spare time, most of which was burned by Michelangelo after they got into a hair-pulling disagreement over pizza toppings. This spectacle was much admired by the local creeps. He then took his own life for unrelated reasons.

Legacy[edit | edit source]

He did nothing of importance, and thus, his legacy can be summed up as "his corpse was eaten by hungry worms."

  1. We use this term loosely
  2. We're referring to his wealth, not him. We don't like him.
  3. Or something
  4. Because everybody hated him
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Allen GinsbergAldous HuxleyAmphioxusAnonymousAyn RandBram StokerC. S. LewisCharles BukowskiDr. SeussDonna TarttDouglas AdamsEdward Bulwer-LyttonFrancis E. DecFranz KafkaJoseph Sheridan Le FanuG. Samuel BlogGeorge HamburgH. P. LovecraftHardwick FundlebuggyHomerHunter S ThompsonJ. D. SalingerJ.K. RowlingJack KerouacJohn MiselstoneLeo TolstoyLeonardo da VinciLewis CarrollMichael MaryllianR. J. PalacioR. L. StineShirley JacksonTheodor AdornoTheodore John KaczynskiVictor HugoWilliam S. BurroughsWilliam Shakespeare

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