Bob the sperm

Bob the smoking sperm cell... doing it wrong.

Bob the sperm, born Bobbitikus Spermocyte IV, (b. 2 Jer 2009 - d. 8 Jer 2009) is the national hero of Testestan. He is regarded by all sperm cells as the bravest and most heroic sperm cell to have ever lived. He has 93 memorials erected all over Testestan and has his portrait on the 100 Prostate Dollar bill.

Spermatocytogenesis (Birth)

Bob was born on Jeremy 2nd, 2009, at 10:13 am, in your pop's left testicle, in a remote rural Sertoli Cell in Semineferous-Abad, west of Epididymis-Abad. Bob's lineage goes back to a diploid spermatogonium, which divided by mitosis to give birth to several daughter spermatogonia. Sadly, they all died in a car accident. All but one. That One grew up and transformed into a primary spermatocyte. She married a successful lawyer and gave birth to two haploid secondary spermatocytes.

One day, the older one slept with the mailman mailspermcell, and after 9 hours, Bob was born a cute spermatid. However, he never knew that he was the bastard child of the mailspermcell.

Spermiogenesis (Childhood)

Throughout his short life, Bob has undergone many physical changes. Eventually, he became a fully grown-up sperm cell. He has grown a head with a big nucleus and a deadly achrosomal cap, along with a tough neck and an agile middle piece with a powerful mitochondrion. Also, he grew the most powerful tail any sperm cell has ever had. It is also worth mentioning that he received a good education, and had an IQ of 197.

Bottom line: Bob was a motherfucking badass sperm cell.

Life Before The Military

As a young man, he went to live in Epididymis-Abad, where he quickly secured a decent living with a good salary. His daily life was very active: while other sperm cells were just swimming about in semen, Bob was either lifting weights, doing push-ups, exercising, studying the map of the female reproductive system, training with his weapons, or playing heavy metal with his band Vaginal Invasion in his parents' garage. Other sperm cells argued with him, saying that playing in a band would not give him a better chance at fertilizing the ovum, and that it is destiny that decides it. But he insisted on what he was doing.

War of Ejaculation

When the time came and Bob was called upon, he answered the call of duty and volunteered to fight as a part of the first attack wave. He led the first assault group through hostile territories. At the beginning, he was uncertain where they were, as the pH of the medium was alkaline and not acidic. He suspected that it may have been a blowjob. However, there were no white rocks at the entrance and the cavity was much smaller than his impression of a mouth or a vagina as he learned about them. Suspicious, he went ahead of the group, utilizing his great physical fitness to explore the area. Just as the second group was deploying, they saw Bob running in the opposite direction and screaming his famous quote: "IT'S A FUCKING CONDOM, RETREAT, RETREAT, FALL BACK TO THE PENIS!"

Heroic Death

Most other sperm cells heeded to his warning and retreated. Unfortunately, Bob and eighteen of his comrades were trapped inside the condom and killed by spermicide. Fortunately, Bob's sacrifice wasn't in vain, as his warnings saved the lives of 249,800,407 fellow sperm cells, thus earning him the status of National Hero.

Bob immediately went on to become a legend in Testestan. His native Sertoli cell, a humble Sertoli cell near Semineferous-Abad, became the country's capital. The day Bob died, January 8th, became a national holiday known as Bobbitikus Day. His last words, "IT'S A FUCKING CONDOM, RETREAT, RETREAT, FALL BACK TO THE PENIS!", are now Testestan's national motto and his portrait is printed on 100 Prostate Dollar bills. Bob's old band, Vaginal Invasion, released an album titled Fucked With A Knife: A Tribute To Bob The Sperm. It went platinum within two weeks, making it the fastest-selling album in the history of Testestan.