Vagina
| To be confused with Virginia. |
Vagina was a trim female warrior born in 867 A.D. She often muffed up during battle, as she was a complete pussy. Many thought her a twat, and she eventually died when a hairy axe wound left her with a nasty gash.
Her most celebrated battles include the Snatch of Fanny Hill, during which her bush soldiers, sheathed in silence, launched a surprise attack to take the key mountain peak of Mons Veneris before establishing dominion over the fertile, pink valley below. The unprepared adversary was divided, their forces slit in two by her crack troops moments after the initial order to attack parted from her lips.
Emboldened by this initial success, she joined the Crusades, obtaining at best moderate success at the Battle of Camel Toe.
She then embraced colonialism, lured by the Man in the Boat to head westward in search of valuable resources including fish, bearded clams, snappers, oysters and pearls to be had in the New World. After conquering Newfoundland as virgin territory and obliterating its native population, she continued west to Canada and its lands of abundant beaver.
Heading inland with a flotilla of pink canoes, she quickly found the supply of fish needed for the preparation of pink tacos and fur pie diminishing. Undaunted, and hoping to find a sweet spot deep within the interior, this tough cookie soldiered on with a vertical smile and continued her explorations for the elusive jewel.
Narrowly avoiding being boxed in during a confrontation with natives in Cherry Valley, her Pink Platoons continued their search for the promised land, ultimately penetrating as far inland as Moose Knuckle, Saskatchewan while exploring every nookie and cranny along the way.
Her quest was eventually to end as the result of a hatchet wound sustained in battle at the hands of Chief Poontang, matriarch of the Minge tribe, during a heated struggle for control of Coochee Valley.
She lay defeated but not forgotten. The capital of Saskatchewan is named in her honour.
