Comet

“17... 18... 19... Nope - that's a speck of dust...”

~ Klox the Questionable on Counting Comets

A comet, often refered to as "that fireball in the sky that will surely destroy us all!", is the name of ever flying machines the aliens used to travel through space.

An illustration of Halley II Comet orbiting the sun.

It looks like a gemsbok's semen with a head and a tail made of fire. It is composed of rock, dust, ice and some nuclear stuff was added. The primary purpose of the aliens in creating comets is to explore and investigate if there were other intelligent living creatures, besides themselves and God, in the universe.

Nowadays, comets are made to protect the solar system from intergalactic intruders from other galaxies, especially from the galaxy far, far away. Another Halley's Comet, The Halley Comet II, was made and is now orbiting the sun and crosses earth's orbit twice every year.

History

Comets were invented by this cool dude named Aristoteles in the year 2,000,000,000 B.C. as a weapon of mass destruction but the intergalactic government rejected the creation of these things as it can cause intergalactic war. So, they converted the comets into a transportation vehicle.

The first comet to launch into outer space was the called Halley's Comet who came into orbit some billion years ago with the top speed of 1,025,903 miles per hour (mph). It was named after planet Gamox' 24th king and was piloted by a fat pothead named Mario who now works as a plumber in earth and general to Nintendo shit.

Mario while piloting Halley's comet.

Anyhow, their first mission was to explore and to take over the planet named Earth from our early ancestors, the dinosaurs who was ruled by T-Rex, the earth's first elected president. Unluckily, the stupid fat bastard Mario mistakenly hit the 'collide with planet' button instead of the 'land safely' button and crashed into earth which destroyed the existence of the dinosaurs.

Commercialism

Comet was one of the leading retailers of white goods in space for many years, eventually succumbing to the competition of planet Dixons and the Currys nebula. One special feature of Comet stores was the warmth and helpfulness of its six-headed, Venusian staff. New recruits were trained not to ask customers to be taken to their leader and to smile when replying "I'm fucked if know, missus" to customer inquiries.

The complaints procedure of Comet stores was legendary, having registered a complaint the customer was immediately vapourised and inhaled. Abusive customers were swallowed and reprocessed into turd.

Other Great Comets

• Comet Hale-Bopp: Created in the year -1995, this comet was used by Martians to attack Tatooine in far, far away galaxy but failed because the comet was being followed by an alien spacecraft. It was last seen in the year 1997 and made some members of the Heaven's Gate cult commit suicide.
• Comet McNaught: The latest seen comet and was invented by Robert McNaught in the year 2006. He worked for NASA as a janitor. He invented this comet by using garbage and dirt and some dog shits he acquired while cleaning up NASA's driveway.
• Comet Bush also known as spaceforce one. This was used by Bush to travel outerspace to search for his long lost brother who fought in the great Clone Wars.
• Comet (the Reindeer) A famous reindeer used on Christmas Eve by Santa Claus