Klox the Questionable
| Pseudo-philosophy Phanerozoic Philosophy | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Name: Klox the Questionable | |
| Birth: Belch | |
| Death: 1/1/1 | |
| School/tradition: Snerd | |
| Main interests | |
| Biology Zoology Physics | |
| Notable ideas | |
| Golden mean Kloxic illogic religion | |
| Influences | Influenced |
| <insert name here> John McEnroe |
Virtually all subsequent Jehovah's Walruses, Christians and pre-Magic science and much Islam and Joos; see The letter C.
|
Klox was a very controversial philosopher. He went a bit mad.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Klox the Questionable was born Zumikra Lagados Kumreynioomak-Klox the third on Star date 33872.9 in the Ketchup star system to mother Squawklunks Loopy-Knoort Smog and father Umma Gumma Smedley Kumreynioomak-Klox of the New Jersey Kumreynioomak-Klox's. Born a hermaphrodite, his parents chose to raise him as an effete and homicidal boy. As an infant, he was given a custom fitted gasmask through which was administered a mysterious array of gases. His farts were constantly lit to heat the house and a barn where the family ran a weasel trading company.
At age 3 he was traded to a freak show, where he performed feats of telekinesis for disreputable audiences. His employer, Rodinald P Goonye-Googoo, paid his parents 88 pounds Sterling per month to levitate pelicans as marks-women peppered the poor beasts with paintball guns. An unfortunately named 'Guy Fox, a teller of tales and frolicker with monkeys, and most importantly, a fabulous act whereby he would eat felt tipped markers and pee-paint copies of the masters, took the tyke Klox under his literal wing (he was also a freak show performer) and taught him the ways of surreality.
Until his tenth birthday, Klox was trained in the ways of peyote consumption, bow-legged hip hop, armpit juggling, circumcising ducks, spontaneously exploding, donkey ear knot tying, air conditioner tossing, beating rapists to death with jars of baby food, collecting debts for a guy called Randy Runyun, painting dog teeth, tire upholstery, transgender meditation, mushroom smelling, rum punch mixing, beige witchcraft, Luddite dodging, making clothing for lobsters, mispronouncing Norwegian badly, reaping what he sowed, clergy impersonation, hunting the ghosts of people who are not quite dead yet, training spiders in synchronized swimming, bringing in the sheaves, carrot racing, writing awful Star Trek fan fiction in Japanese, treadmill repair, making Mandarin-speaking Chinese people laugh, using astrology to play the stock market, using curry powder as a weapon, identifying different species of space aliens...
The Adolescent Years[edit | edit source]
Klox met up with an ancient spinster named Methuseliah Gormagon at age 12 during a hurricane while vacationing in Bermuda.