English language

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'English' redirects here. For the country from which the language originates, see England.
Official emblem of the English Language Board.

The English language originated in Germany in the early Jurassic Period, when two triceratopses inexplicably began conversing in perfect 21st Century English with immaculate Received Pronunciation. The quality of said language has been diminishing ever since, mainly due to the rapid breeding of illiterates and foreign people who struggle to come to grips with the intricacies of dialectal English.

Fast forward to present day, and a version of dinosaur a glass what was once known as English can be heard on council estates and Tesco car parks for miles around. If a Jurassic velociraptor were to hop into a time machine to the year 2019, it would just about be able to understand this mutilated form of their once beautiful language. Sadly, them being dinosaurs, it is likely they would simply be disgusted at what English has become and choose to disengage themselves from society, only appearing on internet chatrooms and in newspaper letter columns to voice their distaste with people who use the word 'of' in place of 'have'.

“Well, they shouldn't of come here in the first place”

~ Scouser

Of course, this is all theoretical as it is highly unlikely a dinosaur would be intelligent enough to understand elementary physics, let alone construct a working time machine. In fact, I doubt your typical tyrannosaurus would be able to do much more than eat leaves before spending the rest of the day engaging in sexual intercourse and sleeping for 14 hours. It is for this reason that lexicographers wish they were dinosaurs, and insist on imposing archaic language upon the modern anglophone world.

English and the Internet[edit]

Today, English is spoken in over three countries ranging from Britain and America to Britain and America. It is also the language of the internet, which was an anglophone invention originally created as an English language propaganda tool to get 'foreign' people to convert to their language. To some extent it has been successful, though these days people tend to prefer playing Warcraft and mocking those who do not speak English.

See Also[edit]