|Motto: "God Save the Weed" (de facto)|
|Anthem: Pass the Dutchie on the Left Hand Side|
|Official languages||Urdu, English, Scouse, Germanese, Cockney, Mockney|
|Prime Minister||Theresa Maybe|
|National Hero(es)||Barry Scott, Richard Hammond|
|Population||At least 4|
|Population density||Denser than a rock|
|Major exports||David Bowie|
|Favourite pastime||Cricket, Football|
|Opening hours||All day except teatime (12AM-12PM)|
|Calling code||999 ½|
England are by far the best at everything, but easily get tired of being the being the best and have to rest.
“It's boring being brilliant.”
... Or at least that's their justification for losing at everything including Rock Paper Scissors, Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock cricket, Tiddlywinks and Digging holes in the road and filling them in again. The latter usually results in a resounding win for rivals Scotland.
England and Englishmen are often referred to, by foreigners and other misinformed propaganda-fed individuals, as Britain and the British. This is incorrect - sadly the typically viewed Brit (stereotypical Brit) has little or nothing to with the Scottish, the Irish, the Welsh or even the potato famine. I implore you to use the word Britain in place of England. Er, I mean....
The English are also very well known for their empire. There are only 22 countries in the world which the English have not at one point owned. The English used a very special method for capturing so much land. The typical English method for capturing new lands generally involved sticking their flag in the ground and killing, enslaving, raping and pillaging any natives that happened to disagree. Very sporting
Say it with me now
- England Good.
- Britain Bad.
- Four legs better.
And now, a message from the monarch of England...
“England IS the capital of the world: we invented football, we invented beef, we invented Mexico, we control everything. But recently, on July 4th, 1865, the Ameraccoons have been breaking out of English grip. This is why we must crush the infidels with our tank. Our tanks are better than your tanks.”