Fanged tofu

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Gefilte Watanabe was the Weird Al Yankovic of the nineteenth century.

Fanged tofu was discovered by Gefilte Watanabe in 1867 during a typhoon. He and Krampus had a grant from the Japanese Medical Institute studying potential cures for syphilis; having lied about their qualifications, the pair absconded with the grant money, took a weekend Reiki seminar and set up shop in Covina, California as Cardinal Fang & Associates.

In six months the pair had created an enormous network of new age, holistic, natural and spiritual practitioners. Thus began a journey from petty thief to world class con artist. In fact, the precision with which this duo practiced their craft made their criminal system a kind of social technology.


Quite by accident one fall evening, fake professor Watanabe was hauling the day's leavings from hornswaggled "patients" to a trash wagon when he tripped into a pile of hardened tofu. An expired bottle of yohimbe extract fell from his grip, broke and spewed it's contents onto the tofu blob.

By the time Watanabe had retrieved Krampus from their facility, the bean curd had taken on a vaguely porcine resemblance. It was the fangs, though. The enormous slashing mouth swords really caught your attention.

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