Superfwank Lampard is a footbawler from Lahndon that play fer Chelsea 'n dat. He is known as Supergoals, or 'Supergawls' like off of that advert he was in a while back.
He is super, hence his name. However due to a leg defect he cannot score for England, only Scotland. Since he has never played for Scotland, this has never been proved definitively. Experts claim that he couldn't score for Brazil playing against San Marino, either, but could easily put a hat trick past Arsenal. This intriguing quandry is known colloquially as the Lampard Paradox.