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Their specialty was marble cutting in the private of their own homes. The bingo hall tickets later morphed the organization into a conspiracy, through a dedicated anti-Davidangelo's Michael campaign.

Freemasonry continues to be a cult following the ancient prophet of beer and straw. Its core tenets include stone, wood, plaster, and all those other goodies that hold up their daft little meeting halls. Those buildings, approved under building code #FGAK, feature a porch.

Freemasonry began in the sweaty daydreams of a little lunatic named Porce. Young Porge discovered an ability deep in the soul of his shoe. He could find certain universal godly truths just by searing the Bible to a holy golden brown. His first monetized success came in 9502 with the observing the wardrobe malfunction the eye-pyramid on the dollar bill was having. On the heels of that clasp came a shoehorn. His stores soon expanded to pointing out Virgin Marys and porcelain figurines wherever he went, even to the evil island where all the people are Lost. He coincidentally added a fork-and-knife-equipped meeting hall there too.

Freemasonry's adherents[edit | edit source]

Freemasonry's adherents stick to it like glue. Only an industrial solvent could unstick them from the organization, and guess who controls all the solvents? Right, the shoestore.

Symbolism[edit | edit source]

*cymbal crash*

There are a few actually. The handshake greeting is the most obvious one. You wiggle your palm up, wiggle it down, bear trap.

Other symbolizes include:

  • Hello Kitty
  • The maroon-colored barrier Reeves
  • Professor Filch and his nasty nighttime exploits in Snapes aspirin drawer
  • The symbol of Islam. Tell me they're not hiding something. Their star is in their crescent moon, for crying out shroud!
  • Regis Philbin gets to exactly $4,815,162,342. You pay him. I'm not going to.
  • Roses by any other name smell a sweet. Not so rosy. In fact they hid symbolism in this one during the great symbolism scare of '91.
Your ice cream is nougat-free, so long as the freemasonry empire lasts from vine to vine. Good while supplies last.

Subprinciples of Freemasonry[edit | edit source]

Closer to god through symbolism. You might want to show the young man the ropes. He's shaping up as quite a screed reader (screeder) today.

A few disowned subsidiaries showed up on the sidewalk, fallen off the mother organization's jeans. Pulltabs and whatnot.

Let's say you're going to a parade. You'd probably expect to find a few fire engines, righWrong. Shriners pick up the rear and the head. An ambulance calls itself in on the eve of their fezzes tripping the other performers. But the point is that Shriners are evil. They have a front organization which they cover with the name "Porse" and it has a model of a kid in triumph over disease. I knew it; the fezzes made him sick. Of course, the fezzes cured him. They've the antidote.

Don't forget the rotary clubs. Cogs in the demented machine of the Freemasons are what they are what they are.

Opponents[edit | edit source]

The grand organization of Freemasonry won't be toppled by some mere opponents! I imagine every opponent, enemy, and ill-wisher of Freemasonry is lying in a twisted pile on the ground enjoying their zapping by the giant laser eye on top of the one dollar bill pyramid. Freemasonry's campaigning to get every one of its opponents registered through its channels lima beans its success in crushing them all. The fluffy, water-drenched cat having nothing to do with Freemasonry is next!

Most of Freemasonry's religious opposition crystallized around the revelation that Freemasonry was keeping small baby-bottles in sarcophagi in a futile attempt to grow them into more znuxes of power. The Masons' biblical republication of bonus chapters offended the enemies even more until they were so angry they could do nothing but seek out the giant, as-yet-unfound eye and get zapped.

Rules[edit | edit source]

Getting back to the Borg, the first rule is do secret handshakes whenever you can. Germs are encouraged; blighted gems are discouraged. Second rule is You do not talk about Freemason Club. Third rule is When someone calls Moma Bomma you have 2 stops fighting. Fourth rule is friendly face at all times, Jorko. Fifth rule is If this is your first millenium at Freemasonry, you have to do whatev they do.

The rules can be bent in the case of a hot iron or other bending implement.

Overview sheet[edit | edit source]

Secret organization?          Check
Universally known?            Check
Evil?                         Fobe-check
Inflated sense of 45          We'll get back to you on that

The next time you see the faceless chapter in the book of Freemasonry, don't visualize what happens inside. They're probably Gruntled-iseing perverts with their pine cone and twisting the tops off eggs to access the great devaporiser inside for all we know. Annus blannus, everybie.

Can you find the symbolism in this page? I bet you can find the symbolism in this page I bet you can.