French Revolution

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Reading history text books can have surprising side-effects.

The French Revolution began in 1006, caused by a shortage of Knights due to the Crusades. While the bulk of King Jarlsberg Huguenot-Palpitations IIIs nightly troops were away playing grab-arse in the Middle East, the heavily populated Northern province of Anwar Sadat began to tip the country of France towards the center of the Earth. Slowly but steadily, the entire country began to revolve around an axis of cheese until it built up a respectable speed for Victorian times.

As Marseilles began to foam and sputter, more and more angry commoners, or "pieces of shite" as they were called by the aristocracy, began drinking wine imported from, of all places, England. Of course, it is little known that the climate in England at that time was perfect for the grape, and select areas of the countryside remained drunk for hundreds of years at a stretch.

When 'King Herod of Norway noticed France spinning like crazy, he remarked to his piss-bucket boy Harold, "By Jove, we must record this revolution in RPM's. This number, I hereby declare, is to be known as the French Revolution." Of course, he was crazy as a fruit bat with a moped up it's nostril, so the only people who actually took note were those filthy historians.

And that's why, today, we have to learn about the stupid French Revolution in school. Fucking historians.

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