How Things Break

I first took up the courage to explain to the world how things break because things break and when they do, me likey. Er...i mean, me likey things breaking. Yes, that's exactly what i meant. Well, the point is, things don't break on their own, they require help to break, a splode, collase, defragmentate and more. How Do Machines Break? is the question. Not that stupid kid who lectures on working things. This article is possibly fragile and will break. How nice.

How Does A Foot Massage Work Break

This article is fragile, indeed.

Well, you see it is very simple. VEEERY SIMPLE! Follow the steps as shown and in no time, every single massage you have ever known shall A SPLODE!

1. I like pie.
2. Don't listen to the first step. It distracts you.
3. Distractions are annoying. I don fren u.
4. You think Iron Man is gay? YOU DARE?
5. It feels GAAAAAAAY, doesn't it, PAULINA?
6. What the? P-p-p-paulina?
7. GISH! i say! Frogs! Shampoo! POO IT ALL!

Don't listen to those nonsensical steps. It just causes you to break down because of too much stuff occupying your brain. But the main point is:

It breaks

How Do Hunchbacks Work? Break?

Yes, Hunchbacks, were invented by none other than Quasimodo and his brothers, Trisimodo, Duosimodo and Unomodo. But you probably heard these fairy tales so screw you. WITH A SCREWDRIVER! SCREW IT ALL!

And by all, i mean all the screws. Hehe.

1. Take a big stick, a tree preferably, though lifting it will cause you to die. So don't lift it. Forget this whole step. CUT IT OUT OF THE ARTICLE!
2. Prepare a catapult with a big flubber band. Because flubber is flubbery. Flubbery is rubbery. But it's not.
3. Place super-o tree inside it. Trees work best, as they cause you to die! But you probably know this from the first step. Wait...I THOUGHT THAT WAS CUT OUT!!!
4. This is mission control, launch in 3...2....1...0.5...0.4....0.399....0.398...0.397
5. Hopefully you do not die, but you won't. Mission control is just too slow.
6. However, hopefully the contraption breaks, nobody gets a hunchback, best of luck, see you soon in the near future and GOODBYE!

Nonsensical none the less, but whatever. The main point is:

Screwdrivers screw screws".

No, i mean

It breaks".

But hey, screwdrivers screw screws works too!

---THE CUT VERSION---

1. Take a big stick, a tree preferably, though lifting it will cause you to die. So don't lift it. Forget this whole step. CUT IT OUT OF THE ARTICLE!
2. Prepare a catapult with a big flubber band. Because flubber is flubbery. Flubbery is rubbery. But it's not.
3. Place super-o tree inside it. Trees work best, as they cause you to die! But you probably know this from the first step. Wait...I THOUGHT THAT WAS CUT OUT!!!
4. This is mission control, launch in 3...2....1...0.5...0.4....0.399....0.398...0.397
5. Hopefully you do not die, but you won't. Mission control is just too slow.
6. However, hopefully the contraption breaks. nobody gets a hunchback, best of luck, see you soon in the near future and GOODBYE!

Yea...who told you to put that version in?

Aladdin; how he does not work

Yes, even Aladdin, your not-so-friendly spiderman wannabe, could be a hobo. Note the similarities. He:

1. Talks Bottish
2. Eats spin-ache
3. Barfs on foo*beep*t
4. Dies of cancer

And robotic cancer means they haven't been greased recently, so they break. The main point is:

He's a wannabe!

Please, be serious.

It *sigh* breaks...

Yes, the four symptoms of AIDS. (Aladdin's Ironic Dis-robot Syndrome)

Lamps; how they BREAK! BREAK! BREAK!

Why do I refer to lamps as day? Because un-lamps are night? LAMPS ARE DAY! UN-LAMPS ARE NIGHT! BUT THEY BOTH BREAK!

(MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

1. Doctor Strange likes pie. *cough*
2. The lamp grows evil. No, he does not grow. He turns. You know 90 degrees, or something.
3. It attempts to turn on it's dial-a-bolic power. You know, takes out it's mobile, beep boop beep, and calls the guy for power? You know Power Hut? Oh, forget it.
4. Fails, if there is no diabolic supply of POWER! POWER IS EVERYTHING!!!! Well, everything a lamp needs at least.
5. Some bearded guy, not going to point any fingers, *cough* *cough* * Mr. Hobo *cough* *ahem* comes along to devour, swallow, do something to it that involves a mouth, whatever i can't be bothered to think.
6. Use vocabulamary. YAY! For VOCABULAMARY!
7. Global Globing.

That is how things work, EEP, i mean break.

I hope the boss doesn't kill me

Oh well. There's always something that pops up. Hey look, i have mail!. I've won a FREE HOLIDAY!