IllogiZoo:Legendary honking bird
| Legendary honking bird | ||
|---|---|---|
 | ||
| Conservation Status | ||
| Endangered | ||
| Kingdom | Animalia | |
| Phylum | Chordata | |
| Class | Aves | |
| Order | Honkus | |
| Family | Sittidae | |
| Genus | Ranunculus | |
| Species | Carolinensis | |
| Weight | five staplers | |
| Length | 58 pony beads | |
| Binomial Name | ||
The legendary honking bird is an elaborately-disguised tortoise which has been renowned for its menacing honk, which can frighten even the bravest of men. Whilst once a flourishing species, it has been hunted to near-extinction for its hard outer shell, used in several plastics, and for its feathers, which are utilised to fill the heavy-duty pillows used in disco pillow fights.
The females of the species are very protective of their young, which begin to honk from as early as leaving the egg. As the birds age, their honk progressively changes in timbre, from that of a bicycle horn at very early ages to more of a foghorn sound from adult males, or a car horn noise from females. When in danger, honking birds have also been known to make car alarm sounds, but have only ever done so under very specific circumstances. The mothers' newborn tend to be rather violent, latching onto human fingers if disturbed and leaving bloody welts, despite the victim not really seeming to care and going about their daily business, such as washing the dishes, whilst getting blood everywhere. Filthy.
In television, this species has only ever appeared on the documentary special Noyvis Dundee: Reptile Hunter in which the aforementioned host and his special guests (That Morning Television Host Guy and convicted criminal Octopus Man) find a legendary honking bird in its wild habitat. Speculation has arisen as to why the legendary honking bird was on this show in the first place, as clearly birds would make incredibly fluffy reptiles (and possibly be less scary if it weren't for their formidable honk).
Despite what scientists may tell you, this species is actually very closely related to the Pygmy fruit bat. The primary difference is that whilst fruit bats tend to arrive by mail order, honking birds are typically found in the wild. Oh, thank goodness, this section doesn't seem to have any mid-episode narration. Maybe I shouldn't mention it unless—
Ah, yes, the legendary honking bird. On this rather perilous reptile hunt somewhere in the middle of the desert, the birds are starting to
- get
- a
- little
- tetchy.
- little
- a
- get