Paper-Rock-Scissors-Punch In The Mouth

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Rock vs. Punch In The Mouth

Paper-Rock-Scissors-Punch In The Mouth is a game played by schoolchidren in order to resolve a dispute. Closely related to the somewhat unrelated Rock Paper Scissors, where copious amounts of violence are the norm, here only mild irritation and the non-surgical removal of one's teeth are involved. The winner gets to decide whose favor the dispute is resolved in; the loser has to be a fat girl.

The game is usually played to "best of four," except for in China, where four means death. There, it is played to negative four, which tends to bring their ancestors back to life. In the event of a tie, the dispute is settled like reasonable adults, with a long structured debate and/or gross-out contest.

Rules[edit | edit source]

Each player smashes their fist into their palm three times, and then either holds up fingers representing an object, or proceeds to smash their fist into the opposing player's mouth.

Against Paper[edit | edit source]

  • Paper versus scissors: The scissors cut through the paper. Scissors is awarded one point.
  • Paper versus paper: Paper slices through paper like a hot knife through a cold knife. Paper is awarded one point.
  • Paper versus rock: Paper and rock sit there like the inanimate objects they are. Millions of years later, archaeologists from another planet ponder their significance before realizing that rocks are just pieces of the earth that broke off somehow.
  • Paper versus punch in the mouth: One player is punched in the mouth while the other is holding some paper.
Victorian rock versus rock, which to be honest was more folk, really

Against Rock[edit | edit source]

  • Rock versus scissors: The scissors attempt to cut through the rock, but fail. A postmodern play is written describing this as a metaphor for the futility of life.
  • Rock versus paper: This is the one with the archaeologists, remember?
  • Rock versus rock: BATTLE OF THE BANDS!! Raw corn baby.
  • Rock versus punch in the mouth: One player holds his or her fist at waist level while experiencing a painful punch in the mouth.

Against Scissors[edit | edit source]

  • Scissors versus rock: We already did that one.
  • Scissors versus paper: We already did that one.
  • Scissors versus scissors: This should really only be attempted by lesbians; players are discouraged from throwing scissors at the same time unless seeking tribadism-related pleasures.
  • Scissors versus punch in the mouth: The punching player impales his or her fist on a very sharp pair of scissors, is expected to scream, "AAAGHH, THERE'S SO MUCH JEFFING BLOOD!"

Punch in the mouth[edit | edit source]

  • Generally considered the best move except, of course, against either scissors or brick wall.

See Also[edit | edit source]

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