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“A large metal adze inspired me to start stinging”

~ String in his autoubiography "Sting sings"

Sting is an alien made entirely from the contents of a Christmas hamper. He is closely related to Bono and Craig David in the same way that a cat is related to a wheel of cheese - inbreeding.

Sting is also related to many, many people such as Ozzy Osbourne, David Bowie, James Blunt and Mr. Blobby. He is also related to Iggy Pop, whom he has had 12..632. children with.

Sting's favourite hobby is Sinnet Elbat, a very expensive hobby that requires the use of african/polynesian-bred orphans. He also indulges in a bit of Olop Retaw, Ssehc, Erif Yb Detacoffus Gnieb Yb Desuora Yllauxes Gnimoceb and Sgod Ffo Gnikcus, all sports which you will undoubtedly have heard of.

When not doing this, he kills things. Things such as You, Chocolate, and You.


  • Sting's poison is so deadly it can kill a scorpion and even himself.
  • He lost faith in the people on TV 23 years before everybody else did.

See also[edit]