The Eye

The All-Knowing Mega-Orb of Uber-Justice is the huge red eye that is watching you through your computer. Its recent activities include watching you read this article, watching you vandalize Wikipedia and, of course, watching you stare at porn and do something with your hand under the desk that the Eye can't quite see.

It is also famous for knowing all your secrets, for even when you disconnect your Internet, it still watches you. It's looking at you right now. I'm not joking. Just look at it:

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See?! It's absorbing your mind. Don't deny the eye. It's taking everything you know. And every time it finds out something about you, it grows. Bigger and bigger. Until it becomes a huge unstoppable quivering mass of knowledge. Like my penis. Oh wait, that didn't make any sense. Well, who cares? The divine hamsters are coming for you anyway, so it doesn't matter even if the eye knows all your secrets.

Tell me more about these "divine hamsters"...

No! This article is about the eye, not about the Divine Hamsters. They are hamsters. And they glow in the dark. Anyway, let's get back to this article about the eye. The Eye is roughly 9000 feet tall, weighs the same as a large portion of b00f and matches your screen resolution no matter what you set it to, making it physically impossible to escape. Unless you turn your computer off, but don't do that because then you can't read Illogicopedia. Since Illogicopedia is tracking your browsing history, the Eye also takes the form of a tracking virus in your computer, unstoppable by any virus protection. Not even Computer Condom v2.0. Heh-heh, see what I did there? "virus" and "protection"? I'm so funny.

It also has the ability to breathe fire at you if you are immune to its powers.