The nature of human life

The nature of human life is that people – so-called "human beings" – are actually cacti, part of the same barren metaphysical desert that cats come from. Often they do work for the cats, whether or not they are aware of the cats, and in this way they produce almost the entirety of the appearance and culture surrounding cats.

While mainstreamers believe that cats do not exist, in fact they do. Not only do they exist, but they run the world, largely unseen.

When people are suitably watered by the cats in charge, they may grow long and prosper in spiky comfort. When the cats do not water people, catastrophe inevitably follows. A little light from the Sun is also needed for people to live and grow (or alternatively an artificial replacement – it's not easy for cacti to tell the difference). Too much and people get burnt and shrivel up.

It may rarely happen that a cactus is truly aware of a cat, and works with it consciously. In such cases, the cactus has clearly betrayed its own species and is working for the imperial agenda of the invading hyper-dimensional force that took over in ancient history.

For those either less aware or of a more traitorous bent, the best way of getting on good footing with a cat is to become possessed by it – this means that the cat uses the cactus much like humans, in the dreamy sleep that separates them from the reality of their cactus life, see themselves as using computers.

What is the nature of this hypnotic sleep in which the human consciousness is submerged in all waking moments, making people see themselves as other than their cacti selves? Whatever it is – and experts not blinded by mainstream consensus believe it to be the ancient work of the cats – all those affected by it are considered to be locked into Plato's cave.