User:Awesomedecks/Heroes of Illogicopedia

I AM A JOURNALIST.

Of course, you probably don't believe me, but just look at this thing.

I have a handbag.

Whort's in the handbag?

• A Fujifilm Instax Mini XVIII Turbo Tornado vacuum cleaner.
• An artsy sticker book, providing inspiration for my blog, where I paste receipts, teabags, and pictures of cake.
• Another handbag.

Or maybe, you know, one of those laptops that creates its own Wi-Fi... How is that possible? Wi-Fi is one of the five ancient elements of Earth. It can't simply be created.

So who are the heroes of Illogicopedia?

They have been noted for their bravery, morality, and for spooky action at a distance. Sometimes they might not actually help, but they just lie about it so that for once they can get some recognition. Sometimes they're a thief. Sometimes they might not actually be a thief, but other journalists just lie about it so that for once they can get some recognition.

Some were born heroes; some became heroic by means of falling over several times. Generally one can gain heroic status if it is possible for them to fall over and over without hurting themselves. Occasionally they hero up by falling from great heights — usually their own beds, situated near the ceiling.

The mark of a hero

The true mark of a hero.

Bona fide hero material.

Heroes generally need specific identification, so they don't end up mistaken for peasants. However, further scientific research has determined that the mark of a hero is actually fake. Good citizens and other heroic-types have had to resort to drawing on themselves to achieve the desired effect.

Bonus points are achieved for drawing on the face or abdominal area. Some of these heroes have some mighty fine abdomens. Usually the mark of a hero will vary depending on the time of day, the season, the phase of the moon, the bearer's emotional state, just how heroic they might be at that moment, or whether or not there is any grape jelly remaining in the refrigerator.

Award recipients

• Twoandtwoalwaysmakesafive - As a rather powerful admin, I usurp my own authority and bestow the title of Hero of Illogicopedia on Twoandtwoalwaysmakesafive. There are rats growing out of his neck, for Christ's sake! He wibbles profanely at our butch penguins. He grapples with unsightly philosophical shenanigans most proficiently. He longs to be a fat bastard like me.

“There's also another nice fellow you'd maybe like to meet, name starts with a P...”

~ PiddlerOfTrousers

“Oh yeah! That User:Persnicketi's a proper guy, eh?”

~ Deckstera Symphora

This article is burly men unfolding umbrellas.   Maybe you should help it on its way.