What to do when a volcano blows up

When volcanoes blow up, it is not uncommon for them to stream orange gooey stuff out the top, not to mention electricity.

What to do when a volcano blows up? It's quite simple really. It is common knowledge that a volcano could blow up at any time, at any place—even if there aren't volcanoes present. As such, one should be unknowledgeablnessly prepared to know what to do when the imminent explosion of a volcano happens near you.

1. Expect the expected, don't expect the unexpected, as it is unexpected. Most people will tell you to expect the unexpected, but if it is not expected, then how can you expect it? Come on, it's not like the lava will turn into zombies and eat you. Er, maybe.
2. Don't pack any valuables, because when you hit the road with your family packed in the station wagon, priceless family pictures, computer hard drives, and other assorted valuables will only slow you down from the relentless flow of magma.
3. Panic. It's the only way to really create that genuine cinematic feeling people enjoy.
4. Steal things while you can. Most shop keepers will be running amok trying to get their families/animals out of the path of the ominous lava. While they are doing this, break into their stores and steal things worth value/beer.
5. Oh, and watch out for the lava, or something.

Congratulations!

Your emergency preparedness course is now over, so give me that $20 and bugger off.

See Also

• Disaster Guide
• What if a car alarm goes off
• Krakatoa