Zheng He

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Zheng He is from China, not Japan. Get it right.

Early life[edit | edit source]

Zheng He was born as Charles George to a destitute family in London. His parents died while he was still young, and he was soon sent to an orphanage under the name of Oliver Twist. It was not long before he ran away to Romania, where he swore to take revenge on his cruel former grandfather, Lord Voldemort. To do so, he became Dracula and sucked your blood. You died shortly afterward and were then reborn as a vampire. Dracula/Charles George/Oliver Twist/Zheng He was filled with remorse and ran away eastward to a convent, where he became a nun.

Monastic life[edit | edit source]

As a nun, Dracula/Charles George/Oliver Twist/Zheng He spent much of Zheng His time reading the Bible, the Qur'an, the Vedas, the Upanishads, the Analects, and the Fungus series. He found all of these highly entertaining and was thereafter stoned for his radical thinking. He awoke in a hospital 40 kilometres away, in Afghanistan.

Terrorist life[edit | edit source]

Dracula/Charles George/Oliver Twist/Zheng He knew he would need all his wits and resources to survive in Afghanistan, so he soon gathered a band of followers. He named them "al-Qaeda" because he thought that it sounded cool. He also changed his name once again, this time to Osama bin Laden, in order to "fit in." His followers urged him to "destroy the Great Satan," which he tried to do several times before realizing that he did not know what the Great Satan was. At this point, he became bored and decided to blow up the World Trade Center. He left for America and ended up in China, where everyone thought that he was Napoleon.

Chinese life[edit | edit source]

In China, Dracula/Charles George/Oliver Twist/Osama bin Laden/Napoleon/Zheng He discovered time travel and was soon well on his way to Europa Universalis II times. Once he arrived in the fifteenth century, he was recognised as Adolf Hitler and sent to a concentration camp in Beijing. He escaped the camp using a wrench to fly over the walls. He then became a famous explorer and all this other crap, discovering America in 1498, before Christopher Columbus or Lief Eriksson.