“Well, it's a bunch of crap and stuff, crammed into a DNA container. It's like when you plop an alka-seltzer into a glass of water, you know? Your soul gets all disolvey in the watery... man, this is good smoke...”
Although teleologically not an -Ism, zimizmizm is an illogical analogue of vanilla refractory Spoonerisms . In layman's terms, which don't quite come out as irregularly as the random noise generated in most people's cranial sacs, a yearning for the supernatural manifests itself, to each individual in its own way.
Interesting that I mentioned "individual", as though it weren't some archaic reference to an arbitrarily selected dividing line between lumps of DNA and protoplasmic goo. Rather, I use it with tongue in cheek to represent that solid, three dimensional, legal Geneva Convention definition of the word "individual". As though it weren't entirely an illusory concept, pointing to the moon, and not merely describing it, sloughing it's rough skin like a rattler in the desert heat, saturated with electro-magnetic energy... and that's another thing.
What, exactly, do we think is the thing we call"energy"? Atoms and pariticles and such, all swirling about cacophonically in their little time-spaces, stacked upon one another until a needle moves on the Holy Guage of Discernment. Who do we think we are, anyway?
Rules and such
There aren't any rules, actually. It's more of a schismism, in that adherents are required to sign a pledge that upon acceptance of Zim Buddhism as practiced by The Middle Way/Church of Revelatory Epitaxy, to immediately ordain themselves as Reverend Zim_ulators, and to break off into their own schism of Zimizmizm.
One such schizm of Zimizmizm was created this morning, in reaction to not quite feeling like myself. To wit, the High Holy Church of the... shit! I forgot about the derailed train of thought that entered my mind unbidden this morning as I performed my ablutions. A cat named Keyboard wailed and moaned dramatically in hopes of impelling me to action on her behalf.
The cacophonous half-dreams of earlier hours no doubt was the catalyst for today’s nowadays rare commitment to print of my thoughts. Clearly, in the language of Carl Jung, these were a series of “big dreams”. Throughout this alternative sleep, I consulted with Frunobulax . She lovingly accepted belly rubs and ear scratchies, and rewarded my efforts with beautiful facial expressions. She is the rare spirit animal incarnate.
She spoke of chemical fields surrounding our bodies and cabbages and oligarchs. She hinted at her miserable existence prior to her arrival to our home, explaining her proclivity to follow me throughout the day’s wanderings. We discussed Zimizmizm, Portugal, her curiosity about Borkum Riff, EDM, golf, possibilities of sentient life elsewhere in our vast universe and the mellifluouity of my sweet, sweet prose. As my father would say, “Shalom, you bitch!”
When the time is right, the inconsiderable fortune of the Zimizmizt treasury will break ground on our greatest and only sacred space, the Lolligaggery. As the name suggests, it will be a space where one can divest the mind of self by performing non-ritual lolligaggist rites. Original music by Reverend Zim_ulator is piped in when he feels like it and there’s a Cadillac Escalade in the driveway. The SUV makes an understated statement, That we, or more properly, I, don’t require the trappings of a televangelist to be content. Prosperity Gospel, Schmosperity Schmospel.
The carefully crafted chaos of my holy glossalalic utterances becomes less so when put to paper. From such recorded sources, one might pick and choose pieces from which to construct some insidious philosophy, becoming a potentially dangerous wing nut. Such a phenomenon might follow the letter of the law of Self-kaizumption. However, the discerning eye of the enlightened, self actualized Zimizmizt adept would see such an act as a not good thing with self (as opposed to Self) writing the agenda.
Now don’t get all puffed up if you, dear reader, have such a discerning eye. A Zimizmizt adept is simply one capable of cogitation, lolligaggery, contemplation and contributing to that which is life. Like most, if not all, formal terms of Zimizmist thought are less than meaningful. The fact is, I really like commas. A lot.
Zim Buddist Koans
- What is the sound of one tofu cowbell clanging?
- How much rice could a woodchuck chuck if a THROBBING PAIN IN MY EYE!!!!
Prayers, if you must
Prayer for the Manifestation of Critical Thinking as a Common Human Trait
- Suus 'crustulum in a canis, quod non valent, kitties,
A crustulum in catulo, confutuere et kitties,
Suus 'crustulum in a canis,
'Causam ex catulus wuppy est.
Suus 'crustulum in a canis, quod non valent, kittie
- Referred to fictitiously in the Book of Revelation.
- Legally, the word "legal" cannot be used in an IllogicoPedia article unless it is used more than once, and at least one usage is awkward and redundant
- This word was adapted for the twisted designs of the author, and in no way should reflect badly on the English language. We apologise for wasting your time reading a word which does not actually exist. Well, it exists, here in this article, where I wrote it, and I suppose it might exist elsewhere. I don't know. I'm so lazy, I can't be bother to Google it.
- Called "Self-kaizumption" by the acultic members of the church.
|BALEEFS OF THE WURLD|
|What is teh god?||Deism • Pantheism • Theism|
|How Menny?||Jeez, I dunno! • NONE • one • lotsa • -1 • √-1|
|Religgens||Bahá'í Faith • Bobism • Buddhism • Christianity (Anglican • Catholic • Mormon • Protestant) • DidYouKnowism • Discordianism • Duncanism • Flaniganism • Gimaladines • Goatian • Gobshiism • Greasy • Hinduism • Islam • Jainism • Jedism • Jehovah's Witnesses • Judaism • Pandaism • Panflautism • Panflotsam • Panfriedism • Panpolynomialism • Pastafarianism • Randomlygeneratedism • Schismism • Scientology • Shinto • Sikhism • Sithism • Super Gnosticism • Thingyism • Tzarthelikalamanagurishalikidaladunakalizaralethism • Zeroastrianism • Zimizmizm|
|Pillowproxies||Confusionism • Taoism|
|Pollygicians||Communism • Conservative • Fascism • Liberal|
|Evilootian?||Creationism • Unintelligent Design|
|This article is illogical enough to have made it onto the front page.
View more featured articles • Vote for new featured articles