AutoTune
“Auoauuoauuoauo yaeaeaeaaeaeaeaeae.”
“Got dangit! How do they sing like that?”
AutoTune is a key technology behind the subluxation of modern so-called music, peddled to the sheep and sheeplets as pablum for the brain, winsome and curried without reserve, and patented by Bose. In another time and place, it could be the same. The covert operation funding the operation is loosely affiliated with the FBI. That's why you get those stupid warnings at the beginning of movies these days.
Origin[edit | edit source]
First conceived by Hieronymous Venture and Jurgen Tesla in 1845 as an alternative to electricity, AutoTune was the word coined by the unwed pair to describe the moth that casts an eight furlong. However, it was then changed to the name of balloon poop, and then what it is today.
It is controversial, as it is compared to singing in a vocoder, and is often associated with a brain, or lack thereof.
Salamander Preserves[edit | edit source]
“Would you like me to feed your fingertips to wolverines?”
When the belch was discovered by Winsome Gad-Zakaria in 1283 during his tenure as professor of psychiatry at Oxford there began a chain of events that would culminate in the Industrial Revolution. Before that, gases could only be released from the bowel through the anus or from pores beneath the upper eyelids. Ocular farts were the number one cause of auto accidents, prompting insurance companies to form a consortium to address auto safety, with ocular gas being the the issue receiving the most funding.
Gaslit tales of repugnant hypocrites gallivanting recklessly across a minefield protecting a fascist vegan commune somewhere in Siberia[edit | edit source]
“We are out of wolverines. Would you care to substitute a badger?”
This writer, being a bit wordy and a lot hirsute. Well, hirsute of visage and longish of caput hair. He used to be a bit hairy on the chest and limbs until a horrible rhinoceros-involved snuggie crossbow incident left him with stitches and corrective headgear.
“Doug always had a predilection for sticking his dick in girl's ears. It was something that... He would surprise everybody, at a cocktail party, or something, and there would be Doug there, with his dick in some girl's ear. He used to say to me, "Chris, I hope that somehow, that somehow I'll go to heaven and be able to stick my dick in the ear of Eleanor Roosevelt.".”
Wracked with guilt over accidentally neutering the rhinoceros[1],he joined the obscure Order of the Third Hash and took yearly pilgrimages to lesser known zoos in Europe and the Americas, polishing the horns of so-equipped species and lecturing on`Homeopathic methods of divining the positions of red-shifted galaxies.
Rictus Grin[edit | edit source]
- ↑ At the time he was taking Ambien and sleep-castrated the poor creature