Dr. Oetker
“Eat pudding, eat baking powder every day,
Because otherwise you will be brutally beaten to death by Oetker himself”
Dr. Oetker (pronounced: Doctor Ehtcker) is a chemist, physicist, doctor and researcher specializing in making pudding and baking powder for people. He is not a human being; he's a lot more than just a human being. He is a green dog with no nose and no mouth. He has large black eyes and wears a bib with the text "Dr. Oetker". Everybody knows Dr. Oetker, and Dr. Oetker knows everybody.
Life[edit | edit source]
Childhood and early life[edit | edit source]
Dr. Oetker was born in Germany, in the area of Ruhr. His parents are unknown. At the age of 7, he discovered that, by putting mud in a pumpkin, you can make chocolate. That's how he made his first product, the Ciobar hot chocolate. He graduated at the local school at the age of 12 and went to the Medical Institute of Germany in order to work there. Every scientist over there laughed at him for trying to be something when he's just 12 years old. He responded by putting large amounts of Argon into their papers, and just like that, the scientists Argon.
Adulthood[edit | edit source]
At the age of 19, the BND, Germany's secret service, sent him to infiltrate the Balkan countries with his products. When he moved to Serbia, he bought a small space in a village outside of Belgrade, which he turned into his lab and he started making the products we know him for today.
Today[edit | edit source]
Dr. Oetker has found over 100 products and is focusing of finding a cure for lemon cancer, which would help him make several new products.
Significant products[edit | edit source]
Pudding[edit | edit source]
Dr. Oetker is known for his pudding, which is used worldwide. His pudding is special and not like any other pudding. His pudding is superior. All hail Oetker's pudding. There are several variants of his pudding: vanilla pudding, chocolate pudding and polonium pudding. The polonium pudding is the best selling pudding as of today, and will always be.
Baking powder[edit | edit source]
Another very significant product of Dr. Oetker is the baking powder, it is used by the best chefs. Centroproizvod was being a big rival against Oetker in this category, but Oetker prevailed, despite him being only one person, and Centroproizvod being a very large factory.
Kremfix[edit | edit source]
Despite people telling that this product is dangerous when eaten alone, it is not. The main purpose of this product is to make your jelly more solid. The secondary purpose is to eat Kremfix alone, with white plastic one-use small spoons, because of the chemical reaction Kremfix does with the spoons.
Rozen crusts[edit | edit source]
The rozen crusts are used for making a pink layer of crusts over your delicious cake, it makes it taste delicious, and because of Oetker's magic, it also sounds delicious. It outputs a sine wave at -25.6dB and at 7008Hz in order to stimulate your brain for eating more and more of it and always be hungry when you see or taste the rozen crusts.
Dekor[edit | edit source]
The Dekor series of products are used to decorate your dishes, and it works best with cakes etc. Despite it being very firm, it is easy to eat because of the Silicon inside of it. There are various shapes, such as stars, hearts, crumbs etc.
Brownies[edit | edit source]
Yes, Dr. Oetker is also making mixtures for various cakes. The most famous cake mixture are brownies. They are browner than the brown color, they look perfectly right, dicey and very unsettling and unnatural. There is also a variant of these brownies named Blondies.
Ciobar hot chocolate[edit | edit source]
There is a special line of products named Ciobar, named after cyanide, which is used in this product. There are variants of this type of hot chocolate, such as white, black and brown. The brown edition is the most popular amongst others.
Vitalis[edit | edit source]
This product is a variant of cereals, which takes the phrase "cereal killer" quite seriously. It uses Vitalium, an element known to stop the vital organs in their work. Because of this element, this product always has a different taste, and that's what makes it so widespread.
Carmin[edit | edit source]
The Carmin lines of products are used for painting eggs. The eggs come out better and more perfect than they were before. This product also enhances the peeling of the eggshell and makes it easier. There is red, blue and yellow color. It is a mystery on why did Dr. Oetker leave out green.
ISO[edit | edit source]
Dr. Oetker loves ISO. Dr. Oetker has known ISO for years. He knows Waso, ISO's grandparents, and even has heard of Eli. He gives lots of criticism to Eli. He even gender-confuses him on purpose. But Oetker loooooooooooooooooooooves ISO.