Earth Day

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Earth Day logo.

Every April 22nd, the tooth decay fairies come out to frolick, turning our pristine and above all highly sustainable globe into a puddle of oil-sucking depravity that needs some eco-chastity, big time. This magical day is Earth Day. On this day of vigil, normally indifferent slobs are urged to drop a few haypennies in Earth's rusty beggar cup, and of course to Help the Ferns, if you can believe that.


Pledge drives[edit]

This is just a smattering of all the pledge drives that take place on this hallowed-we'en day. You can get 'em on DVD, for if you missed something.

  • Help the Ferns - They keep loosing seeds on there planters - halp!
  • Prezzies? - Ooh, I love prezzies. Gimme!
  • Old growth forests 24-hours - Cut 'em down. Make some room for the newies, you knarled greys.
  • Luck o' the draw - Could fix the biosphere; could line the pockets of banana republic warlords. I'm taking odds! 1.788263688:1! Limited time! RIDDLE ME THIS, TAXI DRIVER! (To the moon!)
  • Ventriloquism parade. Ventriloquism claims the lives of hundreds of wooden dummies each year. They all have to be replaced with precious wood. I mean, wood doesn't grow on trees, you know. Oh wait, I have some right here....

Presidential campaigns[edit]

Didja hear? Ralph Nader's leading in the polls! Get with the winning team, man.

What I'm doing on Earth Day[edit]

  • Sorting a pile of micron-sized shreds into 2-gram piles.
  • Belching less (u no, to save teh environs*).
  • Replacing all the fluorescents with luminescents.
  • Smash all the greenhouses. It was them all along! Ha ha haeoui!

Add your anecdotal evidence here but only if it discredits Al Gore (Michael Moore is OK too).


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