I Think I'll Call It "Peach"
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Disclaimer: What This Is About[edit | edit source]
This is about a making a point by one of those psychoes who live between the two worlds. It has a clear and simple message which is your job to find. It appears somewhere within the article. This piece is not about leprechaun bus drivers or two-headed chickens or saving the rainforest. What's really important has been made clear, in a hopefully unobvious sort of way, but it is there if you look for it (use the mouse alot). This is about calling psychosis something that it isn't because it seemed like a good idea to the author at the time. And peaches are sort of mystical.
A Warning From The Mystery Guest[edit | edit source]
It actually begins with cows. They think with their jaws. Some people are like that, especially assholes who think with their mouths. In fact[citration needed] , we should have a big building containing only bathrooms and send all the assholes there. The Other One says we should be far more serious. But the Other One isn't writing this, although he is looking over my shoulder, and may be a cow. I'm afraid that the voices in my head are the cows communicating telepathically. Assholes aren't telepathic but they seem to have taken over the world despite this handicap.
"What A Friend We Have In (Insert Name Here)"[edit | edit source]
The demons are dancing again. Something big is about to happen. Although they say that the Age of Aquarius is already here, each of us must decide for ourselves. Read Holy books, or instruction manuals, on how to find saviors. Any savior will do as long as it's the right one. I know the right one, but I promised not to divulge the name.
Friendly Sheep, Logic, And The Tricky Part[edit | edit source]
Since cows are too big, those of us who've never had sex must consider sheep-sex. The author never did it, but it sounds like it has potential. There are a lot of friendly sheep out there, boys. It's right up there with cow-tipping, which I've also never done, but actually sounds funny, like someone slipping on ice or voting Independent. Like non-alcoholic beer, what's the point? Like using logic as the foundation for anything, what's the point? Like the Greeks at the beginning of mathematics (actually the Ethiopians, I think), what's a point? That's where it all began. Cows are wondering what the point is as well but that'll come later.
But that's the original mistake - the existence of a zero-dimensional object. Euclid showed us that all mathematics depends on God. But Kurt Godel (not God) showed that math cannot be based on logic, therefore God doesn't require logicians, and logic depends only on judicious silliness. The Law of the Excluded Middle is broken all the time because I'll be both saved and damned when I die. In the meantime, I want to be a savior. I am a savior. I save returnables, so with reincarnation, I get everybody. The tricky part is separating the assholes from the sheep. Someone said this, once. One of the Jesii I think. You don't have to remind me. I know that I'm meddling with powers I cannot possibly comprehend. I only have time to expound for the Schizophrenics, since we're the only ones who take the cows seriously, anyway.
A Message From Our Sponsor[edit | edit source]
So, what is the point? Make fun of the too-serious - any asshole will do. Be glad that the powers-that-be protect us from the logic of the cowless. Wander in the wasteland of this other world. Can you see the other world? It's like this one but only the worthy can go there, and most people are looking out for cow patties and feckable sheep. Bullies are not allowed, so we Schizoes don't have to be afraid. It's all about hating bullies anyway.
Now, Where Were We?[edit | edit source]
The good thing about sheep is that they have fur to hold on to. Gods don't have fur, some do elsewhere but whatever, anyway so they're harder to hold onto while you're, you know. If you weren't paying attention, you have just missed the whole point. It's probably not that important, just another way to sell out. You won't miss it. Promise.
What Stands To Reason (Conclusion: the important thing besides The Point)[edit | edit source]
Everything depends upon the Other (Real) World and the cow network. The Gods know this but they don't tell us because they don't want us arguing about the truth. They wish to remain anonymous, even though they're not assholes. Usually assholes are just mean people who desperately need a Mommy and need or want a spanking. Your Mommy is not God. This can be proven logically. There was a point in here (not THE point) somewhere. Actually, cows are tasty. I like my saviors medium-rare. I'll pass on the wine.