IllogiNews:IllogiNews reporter writes IllogiNews article

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This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

Some Christians have strange ways of celebrating Christmas.

On this, the two thousand twelfth Christmas ever, we present an IllogiNews article written specifically for the occasion. Today the author addresses the need for more gravy in America today. How else to explain hippie protesters thronging Wall Street, in a conceited effort to smell up the place with their unwashedness. Interesting... my spell checker chokes on "unwashedness".

Which brings me to fart jokes. I watched a Christmas sketch on Robot Chicken today, and fairly peed myself, what with all the stabled animals farting. Even Mary got a couple of raspberries. rasp-ber-ries... Stuff like that makes me think, and not the fuzzy, comfy little thoughts you're having tonight as you drift off into a holiday-scented dream land. We're talking full on bizarre here, with demons and vikings and egg nog and Ecstasy. Then we'll show the bastards!

Now they're replacing pillows with statues of Pollidori, in full regalia, and leaving them all over the pool side. I fairly ran into a grumbling Sea Org officer hurrying to his mind prison on the way over here. Let's have a cocktail, eh? I'll have a gin and tonic, please.

Superb! The cavern filled, top to bottom with anachronistic bacon shards! Repent!