IllogiZoo:Batgorilla

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Batgorilla (bat-gorilla)
Batgorilla.png
The shy, winsome bat-gorilla.
Conservation Status
  Endangered  
Kingdom Animalia
Phylum Chordata
Class Avianagoo
Order Beverage
Family Pisces
Genus Hydro-banana
Species B. Gorilla
Weight 400.3 kg. (avg)
Width 3 to 18 meters
Length 1.6 to 3.0 meters
Binomial Name
Bacardi Gorilla

Waffle-headed bandicoots and other so-called creatures of the aether were created in Belgian laboratories during the occupation of the Congo. They and another bat-related experiment, huge dairy bats, failed miserably as a means to raise capital for the sagging coughers of the Belgian monarch, Leopold II.

In 1906, the desperate king was scrambling to retain control of the Congo Free State.[1] He commissioned a large team of mad scientists to work in secrecy, hidden deep in the African jungle, to create genetically modified life forms that could prove useful.

The Boom Times[edit]

Initial success lulled the Franco-Teutons into a false sense of security, believing that their mad scientists were by far superior in weirdness and genius to certain other nonspecific Teutons of full blood. As the cougars ran clear, and the sun settled, hordes of local volunteer mopping crews cruised through the jungle in their Astro-gliders, all the while forcing indigenous wretches to service their warrantees at reduced prices to the Crown.

It was the intercession of the majority of Belgian royal houses that prevented a rush on bat-gorilla stocks. Even the New York Stock Exchange was affected by the inclemency of a move for a hostile takeover of bat-gorilla and dairy bat production. Strikes by athletic clubs were unavoidable, and millions of disappointed cricket fans were left to sit home, crying in their beer and wailing about status of the "winsome bat-gorilla".

Specifications[edit]

These horrifying creatures live in trees, swooping down in the night to snare unsuspecting victims. Wearing orthopedic shoes and sporting the latest in frontal lobe technology, these basking predators seem to come out of nowhere, singing Gospel tunes and cavorting as a dreadnought. The beasts are only afraid of Scotsmen, and are otherwise graceful boxing opponents, able to pummel any animal\neopet into a gelatinous melange. It is said that if you spot one, you can survive by standing absolutely still until it leaves. However, there has never been a living survivor to confirm this scientific fact.

See Also[edit]


  1. A corporate state privately controlled by Leopold II, King of the Belgians through a dummy non-governmental organization, the Association Internationale Africaine. Leopold was the sole shareholder and chairman. The state included the entire area of the present Democratic Republic of the Congo and existed from 1885 to 1908 Source: Wikipedia