Kim Jong-un

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Always the considerate tyrant, Kim Jong-un got plastic surgery and a dye job so that when he takes Merka over, the peasantry will see a familiar face at the helm. The man works politics with sublime subtlety.

Kim Jong-un is a crazy, crazy, crazy fuck-ditador of the North Korea.[citation needed] He invented Warpaint and is in the process of inventing a first-strike capable Chris Coghlan.

Kim's hobbies include yelling at the United States, yelling at South Korea, jumping in mud puddles, and pointing at female factory employes, fences, and stuffed Buddha statues. Close and trustworthy friends say he likes Katy Perry and Sony products.

Early Years[edit]

King Jong-trump began life as a collection of assorted spores, fungi, food stains, beaver urine and a broken slot machine. One day in 1984[1], a drunken George Orwell stumbled over abovementioned slot machine in the bog next to his house. RNA formed randomly infiltrated through Orwell's skin, altering his DNA into that of a slimy, ruthless, megalomaniacal moron. Like a parasitic infestation, his immune system fought to expel the foul sub-creature. Over the course of 3 years, he gradually was able to purge himself of this nastiness through the use of phrenology, table tennis and knockwurst enemas.

It was during his illness that he briefly met Kim Jong-il's consort and future mother of King Jong-trump, Ko Yong-hui. The disgusting RNA bomb was delivered with a handshake' she was infected.when she conceived North Korea's future beloved leader, the horrible attributes of the RNA saturated the egg and were amplified by the fertilizing sperm of Kim Jong-il. The result was the birth of the most disgusting sub-human in the 1980s.

References[edit]

  1. Kim won't say which day he was born for security reasons.